Late (Late) Night Laughter

I am an insomniac at times, as those of you who know me know. As such, I get to watch "quality" late night television. (Okay, most of it isn't quality.) One of the shows I love watching is The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson. I enjoyed him as Nigel Wick on The Drew Carey Show, but his new role as talk show host is priceless. Anyhoo, one of Craig's guests on Monday's program was Ewan MacGregor. I have to say that this was one of the funniest appearances on a talk show that I've seen in ages; I laughed during the entire thing. Here, see what I mean ...



After the interview, Craig did a segment called "ESPNUK". Just watch ...

Oh. My. God. Yes!

Forgive my geek-out but this news is sweet, sweet music to my ears. Not only is Peter Jackson producing and writing these movies, as has already been reported, but he's tagged one of the most visual and creative people out there to direct them. If you aren't familiar with who this person is, you should be ashamed and then you should check out one of his movies ... most particularly this one.

*bloggy love to Jimmie at The Sundries Shack for the heads-up on this.

Run Silent, Run Deep

I do apologize for all of these personal posts lately. I certainly did not plan to spill my spleen the way I have been but that's the way things are sometimes. This will be that last personal post for a while. In fact, it will be the last post for the near future.

I have been feeling increasingly detached from people and things over the past few weeks. Recent events haven't helped much in that regard. It's not that anything is wrong, it's just that something isn't right. So I'm going to be taking some serious me time to reassess myself and my place in the cosmos.

If you're starving for online content to read, you can gloss over my previous posts (if you haven't already) or I recommend that you visit the fine blogs listed in my Blogroll to the right there.

Social Rules Of Behavior [EXPLICIT]

I feel it is my bounded duty to point out some rules of behavior to those of you how are ... how shall I say ... inter-personally challenged. Follow these simple start-up rules and you'll be well on your way to social butterfly in no time!

1. If you see two or more people engaged in conversation, do not ... I repeat, do not ... interrupt; it's fucking rude! If you do feel the uncontrollable urge to be an asshole, at least do not exclude any of the current party from the now forced-upon conversation. Doing so puts you in douchebag company, a label hard to shake.
   
2. If someone is sitting, standing, and so forth by themselves it is not because they are lonely; if they were lonely, they would talk to you. No, the reason they are apart from everyone else is because, surprise, they want to be left alone. Please grant them their wish. They will thank you for it.
   
3. The easiest way to see if someone wishes to talk to you would be to offer them a drink. If they refuse the offer, you have your answer.
   
4. Make a space for folks to walk by. If you want to dance, use the goddamn dance floor. That's why they spent so much money building one, dick.
   
5. No one wants to see you make out all night. Go the fuck home already.
   
6. A nightclub is no place to pout all night. You aren't going to get a sympathy fuck from anyone ... or more to the point, you wouldn't want a sympathy fuck from anyone in a nightclub who would offer you one.

There you have it. Go and be sociable.

You (Insomnia And A Busy Mind. (Have To Love It. (Three Separate Thoughts.)))

I love you. I don't know where the road, if there is one, leads with you. I know what direction I would like for it to take but I have no control over you or the cosmic forces of the universe. And thus I am stunned into stillness. What am I to do? I don't know either.

I love you too. I've loved you deeper than I've loved any one else to date. Yet, for all I've done and I've tried to show, you've painted me into this corner. I allowed you to do so. There's no going back; the past is the past. And here I am. Loving you. And hating you. And hating myself for feeling both for you. In the end, I want you to be happy. With that, I hope to be content, as far as you and I stand.

And finally you. You seem to always be of divided minds. I don't know how to help you find your way. We've worked on this for you for a very long time. You seem to keep your ground. But I know you'll find your happiness one day. For your sake, I hope it's sooner rather than later. You'll forgive me, though, if I don't hold my breath.

You ... you who are reading this and who may be thinking that this post is about you ... you are held very dear to me and close to my heart, for better or worse. You are a big part of who I am today; for that you will keep that special place in my heart. Even if we never speak again, I will always thank you for the gift you've given me. I hope that we can find the appropriate places that we should maintain in our respective lives. If we don't, I know that the loss will be mine.

I'm tired. Of fighting. Of obsessing. Of running this track, lap after lap. I've decided to let it all go. Everything will fall where it is meant to fall. I will then assess what is what and where is where and continue on.

Why Am I Such A Mess Lately?

And by lately, I mean within the past few months. And by mess, I mean this ball of confusion. I am welcome to comments; have at ye. That is all.

Fields Of Grey

I shouldn't blog when tired. I also shouldn't kick babies, trip blind people, or heckle preachers; but what'cha gonna do? I find that, living alone as I do now and having a job that allows me flexible work hours, I have more time to myself then I know what to do with. So I think. A lot.

Me and thinking should never be alone in the same room together. More often than not, my attention turns to sleeping dogs that I should just let lie.

But that isn't how I am. I stress over things I can't change and I contemplate how I could make better those things that I can change. And I get them all confused. Then I get frustrated and down. And the lack of sleep only compounds the mess. (Stupid insomnia.)

So here I am. Stressed and down. And bugging out over this grey mess in my mind ... or this grey mess that is my mind.

So ... yes.

Patience

I have patience in spades.

Patience, as defined by Dictionary.com, means, among other things, "quiet, steady perseverance; even-tempered care". Patience, when supported by wisdom and decisiveness, is a powerful tool to possess. It allows one to bide time, view all options, weigh all facts, and come to a reasoned and researched and (hopefully) positive result.

But when patience stands alone, it is nothing more than glorified procrastination. Stupidity and uncertainty abound. Opportunities slide out of hand. Situations that should have ended continue on their poisonous path.

I am often accused of being indecisive, of taking too long to follow a course of action. In reflection, I have found that this is more often true than not. While I always strive to practice the first type of patience, I do not always hit that mark. I wait too long. I weigh my options until all options are gone. And in the end I am either left holding an empty bag or a bag of shit.

I have been working to alter this flaw in myself. It is quite difficult, as it has become second nature to me. But I have begun to set agendas and follow through. My next lesson is to discover what is actionable by me and what is up to others to perform ... and to push for a conclusion from them so that I can contemplate and make my next move.

I make life sound like chess.

I suppose in some ways it is. I make a move then wait for you to make your move so that I can reassess the situation and make another move. Except rarely in life are there ever checkmates. We play to a stalemate, reset the board, and start a new game. (But this is a topic for another post ... preferably on someone else's blog. I'm not so good with this cerebral philosophical stuff.)

What's my point in all of this? I don't rightly know. Perhaps my loyal readers can help me out in the comments section.

For Those Who Know My Children ...

Random Randomness

1. My boys need new nicknames. I'll be putting thought to that.
2. Drunk people are funny. Except for when they're not. Then they're just tragic. And that's a fine line, kids.
3. People still do not know how to behave in elevators. Allow me to refresh your memory on what appropriate behavior is.
4. My favorite springtime poem since childhood, author unknown:

The spring has sprung, the grass has ris'. I wonder where de boidies is? Dey say de boid is on de wing, but dat's absoid. De wing is on de boid!

5. Battlestar Galactica is the best science fiction television series ever. And if you disagree, you're wrong. And a freedom-hating Communazislamofascist. And make the baby Jesus cry. Shame on you.
6. A man who has stopped making friends is a man who has stopped living.
7. I'm addicted to this show. Don't judge me too harshly. (There's no trend here. Really. Because ...)
8. I'm also addicted to this show and this show.
9. I still want one of these.
10. My seats rock! Yes, you may be jealous. And I have an extra seat for Thursday 01 May 2008 19:00 and Thursday 05 June 2008 19:00. Please form a single line, and I do take bribes.

Another Sleepless Night (Thank You "Mutual Friend")

I can't sleep. I wanted to sleep ... six hours ago. But I went out to hang with mutual friend. In all honesty, I had a great time. And after eight hours of reading technical documents in my living room, I really needed to get out of the house for a bit.

So I thank you, mutual friend. I truly do.

Still, sleep would have been nice.

Lately when I'm out, I find that I don't really want to be out. I go out to see friendly faces ... and faces of friends. I enjoy their company, especially the friends. They are a good comfort (and I hope "they" know who they are).

But there's something missing now. Which is why I can't sleep right now.

Don't misunderstand. I'm not the mess I've been in the past. At least not tonight. I'm very sober and very cognizant of what's happening.

I just know there's something missing. And I need to come to some sort of terms with that.