Patience

I have patience in spades.

Patience, as defined by Dictionary.com, means, among other things, "quiet, steady perseverance; even-tempered care". Patience, when supported by wisdom and decisiveness, is a powerful tool to possess. It allows one to bide time, view all options, weigh all facts, and come to a reasoned and researched and (hopefully) positive result.

But when patience stands alone, it is nothing more than glorified procrastination. Stupidity and uncertainty abound. Opportunities slide out of hand. Situations that should have ended continue on their poisonous path.

I am often accused of being indecisive, of taking too long to follow a course of action. In reflection, I have found that this is more often true than not. While I always strive to practice the first type of patience, I do not always hit that mark. I wait too long. I weigh my options until all options are gone. And in the end I am either left holding an empty bag or a bag of shit.

I have been working to alter this flaw in myself. It is quite difficult, as it has become second nature to me. But I have begun to set agendas and follow through. My next lesson is to discover what is actionable by me and what is up to others to perform ... and to push for a conclusion from them so that I can contemplate and make my next move.

I make life sound like chess.

I suppose in some ways it is. I make a move then wait for you to make your move so that I can reassess the situation and make another move. Except rarely in life are there ever checkmates. We play to a stalemate, reset the board, and start a new game. (But this is a topic for another post ... preferably on someone else's blog. I'm not so good with this cerebral philosophical stuff.)

What's my point in all of this? I don't rightly know. Perhaps my loyal readers can help me out in the comments section.

Like, Total Randomness, Y'know?

1. I am treated far too kindly by people who barely know me.
2. I love my ex and am saddened that we find ourselves where we are today.
3. There is too much unsettlement in my life at the moment.
4. Waiting for other things to happen so I can proceed sucks (and not in a good way).
5. Mario Spinetti rocks my socks. (Hey, Mario, where's the full-length album already?)
6. I still hate exercising. Cardio sucks. (But waiting still sucks more.)
7. Jim Zorn? Okay, if you say so. We'll see how that works out. At least I have something to be excited about right now.
8. I'm already hoping that Obama wins the White House so that, after his first veto, I can start using my newly coined term ... Barak-ade©! (As in, the latest bill passed by Congress was Barak-aded© by the White House.)

Say A Little Prayer

I don't know in what god you believe. I don't know in what you place your faith. I don't know to whom you pray.

Whatever your spiritual calling (or non-calling) happens to be, my household could really use whatever positive energy you can send this way.

Thank you in advance.

Personal Randomness

I can't expect you to understand this but ...

... when you've been rejected after (insert number here) years in a relationship that ends of no agreement of your own, you can't help but think that there is something wrong with you. It tints the way you look at life and people from that point onward, for right or wrong. That is where I stand right now.

I see myself in such a scewed way that no one would want me ... something that logically I know better.

What does one do in a like position?

I Do Not Know How to ...

... simply be a patron.
... date.
... see myself the way others see me.
... express myself without stumbling over my words and sounding like a blithering idiot.
... break down these walls.
... ask for help.
... accept criticism without taking it personally.
... learn from some of my mistakes.
... be completely open and honest without hiding behind the anonymity of the Internet(s).