Social Rules Of Behavior [EXPLICIT]

I feel it is my bounded duty to point out some rules of behavior to those of you how are ... how shall I say ... inter-personally challenged. Follow these simple start-up rules and you'll be well on your way to social butterfly in no time!

1. If you see two or more people engaged in conversation, do not ... I repeat, do not ... interrupt; it's fucking rude! If you do feel the uncontrollable urge to be an asshole, at least do not exclude any of the current party from the now forced-upon conversation. Doing so puts you in douchebag company, a label hard to shake.
   
2. If someone is sitting, standing, and so forth by themselves it is not because they are lonely; if they were lonely, they would talk to you. No, the reason they are apart from everyone else is because, surprise, they want to be left alone. Please grant them their wish. They will thank you for it.
   
3. The easiest way to see if someone wishes to talk to you would be to offer them a drink. If they refuse the offer, you have your answer.
   
4. Make a space for folks to walk by. If you want to dance, use the goddamn dance floor. That's why they spent so much money building one, dick.
   
5. No one wants to see you make out all night. Go the fuck home already.
   
6. A nightclub is no place to pout all night. You aren't going to get a sympathy fuck from anyone ... or more to the point, you wouldn't want a sympathy fuck from anyone in a nightclub who would offer you one.

There you have it. Go and be sociable.