19 April 2009

We're So Small And The World's So Vast. We Found Each Other Down In The Grass.

First, this post is inspired by my parents, who have been together for more than 40 years.

Second, the post title is taken from "September Grass" from James Taylor's album October Road.

Third, while there will be references to my relationship with my ex, I'm not wishing to have that back. The past is the past, and for the most part, it's a good one and I will always treasure it.

Good. We have an understanding. Now.

I want what my parents have. I want someone to see me, disgusting faults and all, and still want and love me. I want someone who will know me inside and out, who will discover those deepest darkest parts of me, and will still readily claim "He's mine!"

I thought I had that with my ex. But I didn't. It's not his fault, nor is it mine. Despite our best efforts, we weren't meant to be.

Yet each passing day makes me wonder ... Has my time passed? Am I beyond the point of someone taking a gamble on me?

I'd like to think I'm not. But I'm hardly the judge on this point, now am I?

I don't know what I should think or how I should act. I can only do the best I can and hope that the Universe will return the best to me.