Let's Not Have A Repeat Of Memorial Day Weekend Next Week, Shall We? Thanks.

Last night was a very slow night (thankfully). But, for some bizarre reason, I still had to deal with cuntwad patrons. I had three annoying people ... out of the twenty who were there ... which seems like an awfully high cuntwad-to-awesome ratio to me ... harass me. Here are some things not to say to me while I'm working:

• How long until I'm up?

I honestly don't mind you asking me this question ... once ... when you hand me your song card. I will gladly tell you your estimated wait time. Any further inquiries from you will result in the exact same answer from me. Which means you will never get to sing.

• Did you call my name yet?

Did you hear me call your name yet? No? Then I must not have called your name yet. Move along now. And pay more attention to what's happening here.

• Can you move me up in the line?

Technically, yes. I am the host, you know. But that's not how we roll here. This is a "first come, first served" zone. You get put in the song queue in the order in which you handed me your song card. If you want to sing sooner, show up sooner.

• But this person up here sang twice already since I've been here!

Yep. This person showed up early and gave me their songs early. Move along now.

I really don't want to be a dick to you. I'm running this show as fairly as I possibly can. Ask anyone who knows me; I'm a creature of rules and fairness. (And majorly anal retentive.) My goal, my job, is to move this show on in the quickest, most entertaining way. On slow nights, everyone will get to sing ... more than once, even. But on nights like Memorial Day weekend and, I imagine, next weekend, it will be insanely busy. The best way to ensure that you will sing is to be there when the doors open, pick your song(s) quickly, and hand your song card(s) to me ... early. Otherwise, I can't guarantee anything.

Be patient. Have fun drinking and socializing. Pay attention to the show. Don't harass the host. And we'll all have a gay ol' time together.