I might have made different decisions if I knew then what I know now. I might not have tethered myself so solidly to this rock. I might have left myself a little breathing room. I might have given myself options.
But I didn't know and I made the best decisions I could for the way things were. Things seemed so eternal then. Life seemed set then. Choices seemed like such a given then. Going "all in" seemed like a smart move then.
I do not regret the choices made. I am not sad about the way things are now, although I do still cry sometimes. I do not wish that things had turned out other than they are; life happens the way it is supposed to happen despite our best efforts to will it differently.
Actually, I would probably make the same decisions if I were given a do-over.
But sometimes the noose feels so tight and I start to second-guess myself again.