Personal Musings

It's been a while since I've posted anything personal on here. That was by design. But I have something on my mind and heart that I think would be healthier shared. Not even I can keep everything bottled up.

All too often my heart and my soul are shuttered off to the world. I tend to be clueless, sometimes bordering oblivious. I spend far too much time concerned for others to the point that I cause damage in my own life. I have high highs and low lows and there is rarely ground between them. I love deeply and fiercely, but I rarely ever show it to those I love. When I fall, I fall hard and it takes a long time to get back up. I am almost always alone yet I have great difficulties with being alone. I do incredibly stupid things at the most inopportune moments (*coughlastnightcough*)

Why are you sharing this?, you may be wondering.

For many years up until now, my definition of myself included someone else. I knew who I was when I had him, when I was with him. I was happy. Unfortunately, recent events have me thinking that I may not have him anymore. So all I have is me. I don't like this person I see. He's unhappy with his life, scared of unknowns, insecure of himself, unsure of what direction to go and what moves to make. He's everything I don't want to be yet am.

How can I give you what you want, how can I get what I want, being this person that I am? How do I change things that are so entrenched in my personality? How do I become a better me, a me that you want above all others?

I don't have these answers and I don't know where to start to find them.

Random Video Of The Week (EXPLICIT)

You Get What You Vote For

It's a good thing our City Council has fixed the myriad of issues that has plagued our fair city for oh-so-many decades and can now focus on trivial matters.

I used to be a strong proponent of District voting rights. I used to be right up there toward the front of the pack yelling for an equal voice in Congress. But I don't yell anymore. In fact, most days I pull down the brim of my hat, turn my head, and cough into my hand.

Why should our city have any say in our Federal government? Have you seen the way we run ourselves? Have you seen the hucksters we've voted into our city government? Lord knows I don't want any more snake oil salesmen in the halls of the United States Capitol Building. And if there's one thing I can count on the residents of the District to do it is voting snake oil salesmen into public office.

You want a voice in Congress? You want to have folk up there who aren't going to embarrass the people who elected them? Let's start with getting our own city government in check. Address the issues that need to be addressing. Stop stupid political stunts like this street name change.

More Wisdom From Sinfest (And Friends)

Hey, I'm sorry but I friggin' love this comic. And here is yet another reason why - a little commentary on you straight folk and your fear of same-sex marriage. Enjoy.


UPDATE: Here is more reading on this ongoing inequality. Do you think you know where the problem lies? Think again.

UPDATE: More on Proposition 8, and other laws of its kind, from Keith Olbermann. Now, I'm no fan of Olbermann's but what he says here is powerful. You can find the text of his commentary here.



UPDATE: There will be a protest this Saturday, 15 November 2008, at 1:30 PM EST at the United States Capital Reflecting Pool. Details here.

News Flash!

The Washington Post admits that it was in the tank for Barack Obama. This is shocking not in that they wrote more favorably about the now President-Elect but that they outright admit it. I hope that the lesson they learned in this past election cycle is that they should cover all candidates equally and fairly.

And that, my faithful readers, is the last you will hear from me about this finally over Presidential election. Now, let's move on.

A Parable On Proposition 8

Once upon a time, an old black woman boarded a bus and sat in the front row. All of the white people around her glared. The bus driver turned to the old black woman and gruffly said, "You can't sit there."

The old black woman looked down at the floor, "But I'm tired."

"And you're black! Now get to the back of the bus!" the driver snapped back.

The old black woman feebly replied, "You're right. I'm sorry. I should just be glad that you let me on the bus in the first place." Then she picked up her belongings and moved to the back of the bus.

Oh, Diarist, now that's taking it way too far! You've crossed a line!

Good. Because advancements in civil rights don't happen on their own. People have to cross lines. If it wasn't for Rosa Parks, there would be no Barack Obama. So get over your fragile senibilities.

Same-sex marriage is the civil rights issue of our generation. And although perhaps it isn't that important to some same-sex couples out there ... just like riding up with the white folk wasn't important to some black folk back then ... doesn't discount it's importance. This is about our families and the families like ours to follow.

Get some real pride. Get some real anger. And fight for what is guaranteed to us by our country's core principles.

It's Over! (Oh, Really?)

Remember this commercial?



Well ... hmm ... fascinating that.

There you go, you over 64 million Americans who voted for "Change". Seems like the only change you got what short.

Good luck with that.

Will This Election Bridge The Race Divide? (EXPLICIT!)

I was in the Dupont Circle Chipotle on Monday, 03 November, where I also used the bathroom. It was a clean bathroom.

I was in the Dupont Circle Chipotle today, 05 November, where I used the bathroom again. And this is what I saw.

First is an outgoing message to our current President, "Good Bye George W. Bush!!! and take your Damn Mexican Slaves with you!"


Next is presumably another outgoing message to our current President, "Go Back To Texas Bitch!!!"


Next is a shiny bit of patriotism, "This is U.S.A.!!!"


And finally is my favorite, written on the door, "Fuck yall white Mothafucka's!"


One day after the election. Several months after Barack Obama's famous speech on race. Now I'm not naïve. It's been forty years since the civil rights movement and black and white still can't seem to get along very well. But if this country has bought the ideas of "hope" and "change", well dammit ... get over it, move on, and grow up. Because, if this election has proven anything it's that race is no longer a barrier.

Get over it. Move on. Grow up.

Sinfest Gets It Right Again!

If you're not a regular reader of this online comic strip, then shame on you.

If Only The Debates Were Like This

Inching Away From Freedom

Well, they've gone and done it now, America!

Congratulations! We're all proud part-owners of nine of our leading, independent, non-struggling banks!

Yep. Our government pretty much strong-armed them into selling "non-voting" shares to itself. The Bush Administration is trying to ease the minds of people like me who think that this continued government intrusion into the private sector's business is deeply troubling by telling us that its latest moves are "not intended to take over the free market but to preserve it".

Uh huh. Right.

When healthy banks have to be "pressured" by our government to participate in order to remove "any stigma that might be associated with banks getting bailouts" ... kids, that ain't a good thing.

Additionally, I challenge one of my faithful readers to name something that our government has taken from us only to later return it back to us.

Yeah. Me neither.

Ronald Reagan once famously said, "The nine most terrifying words in the English language are, 'I'm from the government and I'm here to help.'" I tend to agree with him.

A Third Bush Term? Perhaps, But Not From Who You Think!

Democratic Party Presidential candidate Barack Obama has made it a centerpiece of his campaign to define a John McCain presidency as a "third Bush term". It's a point that tends to stick, well, because McCain would continue some of Bush's policies, such as the war on terrorism. No one, it seems, has looked into Obama's proposed policies and compared them to Bush's current policies.

No one until now.

This, my faithful readers, is why you should be an informed voter. This is why you should make voting decisions based on more than one policy position. This is why, in this election, there is no lesser of two evils.

Because ... trust ... your man isn't any better than the other party's man.

This Year's Election

I have lost my faith in the ability of the American people to make sound decisions. If they had the capability, we would not be left with John McCain, Barack Obama, Bob Barr, and Ralph Nader as our choices for Presidential candidates. While Barr and Nader weren't voted into their positions (they more or less anointed themselves due to a lack of interest from anyone else in their respective parties), McCain and Obama were. And shame on you Republicans and Democrats. You had far better choices in your primaries than these two posers. But you were all too swept away by "change" and "experience" to notice the other better choices.

Aw well. We're in the shitter now, so it really doesn't matter who we elect. They won't have the power to right the Good Ship America in the span of four years anyway. Even if they had the gumption (and they don't), they have a strongly liberal Congress with whom to contend. Don't get too excited there, Democrats; remember that Bill Clinton didn't do too well when you all had both houses of Congress and the Presidency. Hell, even George W. Bush knows that one-party rule doesn't equate policy success. So it's looking like either we'll become a bankrupt capitalist nation or we'll become a financially solvent socialist nation. Either way, I fear that America as we know her is gone.

Our government has no business owning anything in the private sector. It shouldn't be in insurance. It shouldn't be in mortgage lending. It shouldn't be in health care. It shouldn't be in real estate. And it shouldn't be in banking.

But that's where it is and that's where it's going. Less freedom and choice for you, more power and control for Big Government.

I fear for the direction in which our country could head, regardless of who you people elect President.

...

Oh, all that and my Ward is going to re-elect Marion Barry.

Stupid Americans.

Yet Another Reason Why I Love Craig Ferguson

He has Tim Gunn hosting a regular spot on his show (sixth link down).

Friggin' awesome!

Pirate Joke Of The Week

Q: What is a pirate's favorite salad?

A: Ar-r-r-r-r-r-rugula!

So Friggin' Excited

Oh my god, Diarist! It's 03:40! Why aren't you in bed?!

Something amazing happened this afternoon. During a break from writing the Document With No End, I picked up my guitar and strummed a few chords. They were simple chords and I've played them so many times I've lost count. But something about them being played in a bit of an off-rhythm and in a key I don't normally play turned on a little bulb in my head. And I was reminded of something that a friend gave me a few months ago.

My friend E. Darryl Johnson, whom you may remember from a certain post from a few months back, told me about some lyrics he had written and asked me if I could put them to music. I told him that my style of music is a bit different from his and that I couldn't promise anything, but I would try. So he emailed them to me the following day. I read them over. They had promise but the structure was odd and some of the words didn't really work as song lyrics. So I saved the file. I looked them over from time to time, waiting for inspiration to strike, but the well was dry.

Until today, when I strummed those chords. I powered up my PowerBook and opened GarageBand. I figured I could create a backing track to the chords I was working. Two hours into the process, I realized that I could do the whole thing on the laptop; if I wanted to strum along on the six-string, I could. But it certainly wouldn't be necessary.

Kids, I haven't even attempted to write a song in nine years. I just haven't had the heart for it. But that July thing happened and I found myself being pushed back into music again.

It took almost eight hours, but I laid down a pretty good demo.

Oh. You want to hear it? I'll see what I can do about that. I think I should talk to the co-writer first before putting this on the net. I'm sure he won't have a problem with it. And if he doesn't, I think I know what Tuesday's Random Music selection will be.

For now, I have been too hyped up in my rekindled love of music to get any sleep. I can't wait to get started on the next track!

Random Music: "Supper's Ready" by Genesis

Genesis had three incarnations: The Peter Gabriel Era (a.k.a The Prog Years), The Phil Collins Era (a.k.a. We Are Everywhere), and The Ray Wilson Experiment. If you don't remember the final studio album with Ray Wilson, don't feel bad. Most people don't. It's not that it was a bad album because it wasn't. It was actually a fairly passable album. Trust me, I've heard, and owned, much worse.

But this post isn't supposed to be a history lesson on the Genesis library. No, we want to focus on one song. What I've chosen today is by far the longest song ever recorded by the band, clocking in at 22 minutes 58 seconds on the album version. We're listening to the live version, taken from their album Seconds Out, in which Phil Collins is at the vocal helm. I prefer this version more because the band is tighter and Collins' vocals are just a bit stronger and more sure than Gabriel's.

Supper's Ready is an epic song about the Apocalypse written in seven parts.

1. Lover's Leap
2. The Guaranteed Eternal Sanctuary Man
3. Ikhnaton And Itsacon And Their Band Of Merry Men
4. How Dare I Be So Beautiful?
5. Willow Farm
6. Apocalypse In 9/8 (Co-starring The Delicious Talents Of Gabble Ratchet)
7. As Sure As Eggs Is Eggs (Aching Men's Feet)

Each part is a chapter of the whole suite. What does it all mean? Hell if I know. This site has as good an explanation as any, I guess. They also provide the lyrics, after their interpretation, so you can read and decide on your own.

My only objective in this post, and every other Random Music post, is to expose you to something you may have never listened to before. Perhaps you'll enjoy it and discover other such music. Perhaps you won't enjoy it and wait for me to post something other than music and pirate jokes. (And I will.)

But this song deserves a chance. It's bold. It's complex. It's bloody good fun. And it might just open your eyes to other ways of looking at music. So pack a lunch, get all good and comfortable, and give this tune a go.

Pirate Joke Of The Week

Q: What do you call a pirate with two eyes, two hands, and two legs?

A: Rookie!

September 11, 2001 - A Remembrance

I was working in Chantilly, VA on that fateful day. I remember going in to work early ... 0800 ... because I had to install a server patch before the software testers came in at 0900. One tester was already in by the time I arrived. I started my install when one of my system administrators walked in. He and I made some small talk and discussed the work ahead of us that day. A few people started to trickle in shortly after 0830. By 0845, six of twenty-four of us were at our desks in our cramped room.

Shortly before 0900, someone ... maybe one of the developers ... popped his head in and said a plane flew into the North Tower of the World Trade Center.

We were all a bit shocked but didn't think much of it. We discussed it and our consensus was that there had been some sort of technical malfunction in the plane. I mean, people don't fly planes into buildings on purpose.

And just as we reached that conclusion, another blur of a face popped into and out of our room stating, "They just hit the other tower!"

They? Who they?! And with what? What is going on?!?!

But we couldn't find out immediately the answers to our questions. The internet suddenly crawled to a stop. We had no televisions or radios in our room. A couple people scrambled back out to their cars to find out what happened. Within thirty minutes they came back, pale.

"Another plane just crashed into the Pentagon," was what we were told in a dead voice by one of our testers.

Everyone picked up phones and attempted to call loved ones to make sure everyone was okay and to see what was happening where they were. Initially, we were able to reach people. I was able to reach Tuffie, who was working near the Capitol Building. He told me that all the buildings were being evacuated and there were people and cars everywhere and no one was moving; he wasn't sure he would be able to get home. I told him to go to a friend's house in Dupont Circle and to call me when he got there.

But I never got his call. The phone systems were crippled by the weight of cellular traffic. Everyone was worried and all but two of us left for home. I knew that traffic would be a nightmare. And since I didn't know anything else about what was happening, I decided my best option was to stay where I was. So I did. And I worked. Because it was all I could do to keep my mind off of what might be going on.

Later in the afternoon, I received a call from Tuffie on my office phone. He made it to our friend's safely. To say I was relieved would have been a massive understatement. I told him I would meet him at JRs.

Around 1600, I started on my way home. I didn't know what to expect. Would the streets still be choked with cars? Would roads be closed off? Would emergency vehicles be moving about all over the area? It was enough to cause a panic attack.

What I did encounter was so eerie, so movie-like, and so fantastic that it will stay with me forever.

During my drive from my office abutting Dulles International Airport to JRs on 17th and Church Streets, NW, I saw one ... one ... car. But that, my faithful readers, wasn't the most terrible thing. No. Although I could see the smoke from as far away as Landmark Mall, it was my approach to DC from I-395 N, rounding the corner at Ridge Road that I saw the image that is eternally emblazoned on my memory.

The fire was still raging at the Pentagon. The bulk of the jet still lay broken on the ground. Emergency vehicles and equipment littered the west parking lot. A thick column of black smoke lay across the highway like a toppled colossus.

I slowed the car to just over 40 MPH in order to take it all in. A chill crawled across the back of my neck. A tear raised in my eye. I said a silent prayer. Once through the smoke, I resumed to normal speed and joined Tuffie at JRs. After holding him for what felt like a lifetime, we shared stories and drinks.

Every 9/11, I remember. I remember the lives lost. I remember the fear. I remember the fire. I remember the smoke. I remember the relief. I remember the love.

The love for my Tuffie. The love for my friends. The love for my family. And the love for my country.

Oh, Look!

I'm a famous photo-grapher! Thanks, Tom, for using my photo!