Note to Ruffians

If you're going to take the time to break my car window, at least do me the honor of taking something ... the radio, the steering wheel, the car ... anything. It's disrespectful to break and run.

Punkassbitches.

Happy International Talk Like A Pirate Day

Returning to Your Routines

The Washington Post is reporting today that the Frederick Douglas Bridge (a.k.a South Capitol Street Bridge) is reopening tomorrow. This is great news for those poor souls who must commute into the city from southern Prince George's County and Charles County. This is even greater news for those of us who live in Anacostia, who have had to put up with these displaced drivers for the past couple months.

Kudos to Corman Construction for completing the project ahead of time!

This Is Your Brain on Drugs

I know I'm going to sound like every whiny tourist and transplant right now. I know that, having been born and raised here, I should know better than to complain about the heat in August. But, lordy lordy lordy, this is certainly what my head felt like both times I stepped outside today. My answer to such oppressive, soupy, crawl-inside-the-marrow-of-your-bones heat? Stay inside as much as possible.

My heart-felt sympathy for anyone who had no choice but to be out in this today.

Paralysis

I'm in a bad way.

I'm a creature ruled by reason, led by logic, controlled by his head. Yet here I find myself in a position in which I didn't plan or really want to be. It wasn't so long ago that I was abandoned and didn't know it until too late. That feeling of rejection, after giving my lifeblood for so long, was such a heavy weight to carry. I thought I would carry it well into my forties. But here, now, I find myself at a crossroads.

On the one side, I can walk with reckless abandon. I can release my pain to the universe and accept redemption.

On the other side, I can shut myself further inside this self-imposed box and feed on my personal darkness.

And straight ahead, I can allow healing to a point. I can swallow those most intimate and exposing parts and only give what is easily seen.

I want to say what should be said. I want to give the opportunity a chance. One can never know the thoughts of others unless one takes the risk.

But I do not want to be the only one climbing out on that limb. I had been left out there alone before when it was cut.

I don't know what to do here.

I am paralyzed with indecision.

So You Wanna Sing?

The Washington Nationals and ESPN Zone are holding a contest for a singer.

Anthem Idol at ESPN Zone

Ready for your moment in the spotlight? Get ready to grab a microphone and sing your heart out at ESPN Zone’s Anthem Idol competition, coming Wednesday, July 11th at 6 p.m., and you could be singing the national anthem at an upcoming Nationals game!

Enter today: Stop by ESPN Zone’s SportsCenter Studio Store to reserve your spot in the competition today! The competition will be limited to the first 100 entrants.

On stage: At the event, each contestant will sing 30 seconds of any song (not the national anthem, please). After all the performances, our panel of judges will narrow the field to five finalists, each of whom will take the stage once more, this time to sing the national anthem.

Help decide the winner: Our panel of judges will provide feedback and cast their votes, which will count for half of the final results. The other half, however, comes straight from the fans. Come on out and support your favorite singers, and help them win the chance to sing at a Nats game!

Questions? Please email comments@espnzone.com or call (202) 783-3776 ext. 249.

Think you got the stuff? Bring it!

There Goes the Neighborhood

For the better:

[T]he city, through the D.C. Historic Preservation Office, is providing up to $300,000 in grants to renovate historic Anacostia homes.

Anacostia is truly an astonishing neighborhood that just needs a little shine to help bring out its true beauty. It does my heart good to hear that the city will be offering grants to spruce up the place. Hopefully many of my neighbors will jump at this opportunity.

For the worse:

The Frederick Douglass Memorial Bridge on South Capitol Street will be closed beginning at 12:01 a.m. tomorrow for extensive reconstruction work. The major commuter artery could be closed for two months.

This means that all you fine people from Southern Maryland will be driving through my neighborhood, gumming up my streets, and adding to my commute time with your ridiculous driving habits. Joy.

Exposed!

Several District news agencies have reported on the state of exposed streetlight wiring. I'm here to report that ... very little has changed. Take this example on the corner of 17th Street and Riggs Street, NW. Not only is the wire exposed, it's sticking out of the fixture!


Or how about this one at New Hampshire Avenue and N Street, NW? Sure, the wire is neatly wound up inside of the fixture but it's still open to curious hands.


Now before you think I'm being too hard on the city, before you think that the city just doesn't have the resources or the equipment to seal these open lights, I just want to point out that the fix doesn't have to be exact. The city doesn't have to find exactly-built-to-specification fixes for these open dangers. Just a little ingenuity will do for a quick fix until long-term fixes can be acquired. Like this brilliant piece of thinking outside the box ...


The city really needs to do something ... anything ... to seal off these dangers from the public before someone gets seriously injured.

All pictures taken by me with my Palm® Trēo™ 650.

I Do Not Know How to ...

... simply be a patron.
... date.
... see myself the way others see me.
... express myself without stumbling over my words and sounding like a blithering idiot.
... break down these walls.
... ask for help.
... accept criticism without taking it personally.
... learn from some of my mistakes.
... be completely open and honest without hiding behind the anonymity of the Internet(s).

Smart Music by a Smart Man

"Weird Al" Yankovic must be the most underrated singer/songwriter of our generation. The man writes parodical lyrics to established songs and makes them successful. (If you think that's easy, try it sometime.) But his talent goes beyond poking fun at recording artists and established songs. The man can also write parodies of musical styles, in a generic sense and in a specific sense. The following is a prime example:



It's obvious to anyone who has a pulse on the vein of pop culture that Bob Dylan is the inspiration of this song and video. The black and white video. The nonsensical words. The half-singing-half-speaking. The cue cards. The harmonica.

But wait! What is this ... this ... spark of genius? "What genius?" you ask. "It's Weird Al, for Pete's sake."

Okay. Try this on for genius. How many songwriters do you know can write an entire song in palindromes? That's what I thought. Play the video and enjoy the genius.

Rules for the Restroom

I get it. We're guys and we work under different rules. But c'mon ... we're still human and should act as such. And so, I submit to you my rules for the restroom.

1. If you're going to use the stall to urinate, lift the toilet seat before you start. While the vast majority of us choose not to sit and pee, I have yet to meet the man who is able to stand while "taking care of other business". I'm sure I speak for all men when I say that we would appreciate a dry seat.
2. A courtesy flush is considered good form for the more odiferous movements. Even though we know what you're doing behind that closed door, we'd rather not know what you're doing. Capice?
3. When you're done, don't just flush and walk away. Stick around a minute and make sure you haven't left any gifts for the next guy. That second flush will add to your treasures in heaven.
4. I don't care if you were raised in a Third World country. I don't care if you were raised in a barn. I don't care if you were raised in the forest by a troop of gorillas. You live and work among the civilized now. Wash your hands each and every time with soap and water! (You dirty little monkey you.)

They're fairly easy rules to understand and follow. Please, for your sake and ours, try to follow them. Thanks.

An Update from the Chief

Some of you may have heard about the fracas over Chief Cathy Lanier's decision to decentralize the District's Gay and Lesbian Liaison Unit that sort of dusted up earlier in the month. Well, a friend of mine forwarded to me the following e-mail which should shed a bit more light onto this story.

The following is a clarification on the role of the GLLU and its future from Chief Lanier:


Dear GLBT Community:

In the past few weeks, there has been a great deal of confusion regarding my vision for the Gay and Lesbian Liaison Unit. I apologize to the GLBT community for the miscommunication regarding my plan to expand the reach of the GLLU. As Chief of Police, I take full responsibility for the Department failing the GLBT community by not getting the message out in the right way and with the right input from all of you, and for that I apologize.

It has never been my intention to disband the award-winning unit, and in fact I have set a goal for my Department to train every Metropolitan Police Officer to respond to calls from the GLBT community and to encourage more officers to join GLLU.

The GLUU is critical to the Metropolitan Police Department (MPD) and to the GLBT community. The services provided by the dedicated officers who make up the unit are invaluable, and I am fully committed to ensuring the GLUU continues to provide the same services to every GLBT resident who needs them. The reach of GLUU must extend into every neighborhood and into every ward because the GLBT community contributes to our diverse population of residents — and those residents are not limited to only one geographic area of the District.

Over the next few weeks, Sergeant Brett Parson, along with Lieutenant Alberto Jova, will schedule group meetings in all seven districts to solicit your input about the GLUU and how it can be improved.

For those who are unable to attend the meetings, the MPD has created an e-mail address enabling members of the community to provide suggestions and/or concerns regarding the GLUU. The address is mpdc.liaisonunits@dc.gov.

The information gleaned from these meetings will be incorporated into a final plan for enhancements to the GLLU. A representative from each of the meetings will be asked to meet with the Chief so that she may inform them of the\ plan for each of the units. Rest assured that I am committed to hearing the views of the GLBT community before finalizing any plans to enhance the GLLU. With your input, I believe that we can come up with a plan that will not only broaden the reach of the GLLU, but improve the services this unique unit provides.

Cathy L. Lanier
Chief of Police
Washington DC Metropolitan Police Department

More Stuff for National HIV Testing Day

The Washington Post has an article in today's paper in which city officials announced an effort to increase the amount of HIV testing among city youths.

Why am I pressing this issue so hard lately? For one, I know people who are positive. For two, you might too ... you might be one and not even know it.

Perhaps a quarter of the more than 1 million Americans with HIV are not aware of their status, according to the federal Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. Health experts say detection is key to stopping the spread of the virus, because people who know they are infected are more likely to seek medical care and change their behavior.

As I've said the past couple days, if you haven't been tested for HIV in the past three months, get tested today. You can find a good list of free testing locations here.

National HIV Testing Day

It doesn't matter if you're gay or straight. It doesn't matter if you male or female or in-between. It doesn't matter your race. Get tested today!

A Post on HIV

As I was reading through The Washington Blade online, I ran across a post by Andrew Sullivan. I have to admit that my face started to get a little heated. But I didn't want to get pissed off without more information. So I followed his other links to get the whole picture. Let me give you the links you need to read, in order.

Read this first, then this one second, and finally this one last. I'll wait for you to come back.

Okay. Done? Good. Welcome back. Now ...

... while I understand the point that Andrew would like to have made (that testing HIV+ is no longer the immediate death sentence it once was), I agree with Gabriel 1000% in that Andrew is simply irresponsible in the exact words he used. Let me tell you why. Before 1996, I knew one ... count that - ONE ... person with HIV. He died of AIDS complications at too young an age. Since then, I have had three people I care deeply about tell me that they tested positive and I have learned of two acquaintances who also have HIV.

One before 1996.

Five after 1996.

Mr. Sullivan, this is NOT progress. This is NOT something to celebrate.

(Green)peace and Quiet

It seemed as if every volunteer for Greenpeace was out today and mulling around Chinatown. I couldn't take five steps without bumping into some gung-ho tree-hugger who wanted to convert me to The Gospel According to Albert Arnold Gore Junior.

I can usually give someone a few minutes of my time to listen to their spiel, but I was at lunch and a bit pressed for time.

It was plenty obvious enough that I was in a hurry. I had my hurry face on and wasn't making any eye contact with people. (No-eye-contact is universal body language for "leave me the &#!% alone".) Besides, I looked like I just stepped out of an RNC poster (or a goodfellas movie). What hippie in their right mind would think, just by looking at me, that I would care about saving the environment?

Still, volunteers ... especially ones who believe ... are a tenacious group. The first one asked for a second of my time and a second is what I gave her. I stopped, politely told her that I was running late returning from lunch, and that I didn't have time today. And then I walked on.

I stopped for the second person and told her the same thing I told the first person.

The third bloke still got the polite "&#!% off" but he didn't get me to stop. I repeated that for the next two volunteers.

By the time I passed the last one, I was beyond irritated. "Excuse me, sir. Can I have thirty seconds of your time?" she asked. "I can't today," I replied without stopping or looking up. "Well, maybe I can walk wi...," she started. At this newest tactic I turned and looked at her with smoldering eyes. "I'm sorry, but I just don't have the time right now," I interrupted. "You people are literally three feet apart from each other. How could you not see that I've said no to every other one of you on this block?!" is what I wanted to yell at her. But I guess I'm a nice guy at heart.

Serves me right.

The Dame and the Princess

To me, the story in this Washington Post article isn't that Julie Andrews was in the District today. Nor is it that Ms. Andrews read to a room full of people from a book she had written. It isn't even that she took the time to pose for pictures. No, to me, the story in this article is in the second and third paragraphs ...

But 9-year-old Graham Walker noticed only the voice, that clipped, hills-are-alive British accent that's pure Julie Andrews and that was reading to him and 11 other children yesterday at the District's Martin Luther King Jr. Memorial Library.

Graham knows that voice, too. He's such a Julie Andrews fan that, when he was 3, he dressed as Mary Poppins for Halloween, and he went as Maria to the singalong of "The Sound of Music."

*wipes tear from corner of right eye*

Oh, they start so young these days.

*wipes tear from corner of left eye*

Seriously, though, it struck me how pedestrian those two paragraphs were ... how natural they were to read ... as if it were nothing out of the ordinary. Nevermind that this nine-year-old is a boy and that he's dressed at characters that Ms. Andrews has portrayed. What is important here is that this child idolized Ms. Andrews and he was able to meet her. I applaud the Post for depicting it as simply that.

Don' Be Scur'd

It's been almost a year and a half since my last relationship ended. During that time, I've slipped inside of myself and closed myself off to pretty much everyone. I've kept conversations to safe, common topics. I've kept people at an arm's distance. It's become my cold comfort to rely on myself, to answer to myself, to keep my own company ...

... until I had a long conversation with a very good friend. Usually, I am the one imparting the advice. This time, although I never asked for it, it was my turn to soak in some wisdom. He told me some things I already knew but didn't want to acknowledge. He reminded me of who I was before I became this emotional recluse. He urged me to allow myself the opportunity to be truly happy again.

Trying to learn from his counsel, I have taken some small steps toward recovering the pieces of me that I left to the universe many, many months ago. It isn't easy. I have spent so long building this safe, enclosed space for myself that I can't remember what it's like to allow anyone inside. How much of me is too much? What if my pace in opening up is too slow? What if I get hurt again? Yes, there are rational answers to all of those questions. But I'm not completely rational right now.

I have had a good couple of days since that long conversation. I find myself daydreaming and anticipating. My heart has started skipping again. I've felt that fire ... that burning in my soul ... that I thought had long since extinguished itself. I even feel like a little kid some of the time.

Yet I can't quiet the doubt in my head. Maybe I have nothing remaining to offer. Maybe I left all I had on the table the last time I played this game. Maybe I am too much of a reclamation project. Maybe there is nothing of me that anyone could want for very long.

It all is equal parts rapturous and frightening. I hope I truly am up to this new chapter of my life.

I Cannot Wait

Yeah, it will probably suck monkey balls, but I'm so looking forward to seeing this movie. The only issue I have with it right now is that a certain character has gone from this to this. But that's just the purist in me complaining.

With the recent rash of TV-cartoon-to-cinema-live-action movies, I think it's only a matter of time before we see a live action G.I. Joe movie. There's already talk about a Voltron movie.

But what about that other cartoon series? You know, that bastard step-brother of Transformers? Seriously?! That movie would be so friggin' cheesy it would rock!

Helping the Homeless

If you're like me (and some of you are I just know it), you're a bit hesitant to give a homeless person money. When approached by a panhandler, you may ask yourself, "What will they use this money for - liquor, drugs, food?" It's a valid question and one I have asked myself every time before giving a homeless person money.

Today I came across a homeless person who was asking for money. One dollar to be exact. It's not the first time I've seen him. And it wasn't the first time I gave him money without hesitation. And, he's not the only homeless person out there asking for exactly one dollar.

See, this homeless fellow is a vendor, an entrepreneur, a salesman. He's out there every day (in this case, on the corner of Connecticut Avenue and Q Street, NW) giving copies of Street Sense for a dollar donation. (You can give more than a dollar, if you so wish.) Street Sense, for those of you who don't know, is a bi-monthly newspaper written by the area's poor and homeless. It is "sold" by the area's poor and homeless as a way to make some money, as opposed to panhandling. Each person (vendor) is essentially their own company ... an outsourcer, if you will. One quarter of every dollar goes to the publication; the other seventy-five cents go to the vendor. The vendor makes an honest living and the buyer learns a bit about the area's poor and homeless. It's a win-win for everyone.

My point is simply this: if you see someone on the street in a yellow "Street Sense" vest selling Street Sense newspapers for a dollar, do you both a favor and give that person two dollars. He's simply doing his job.