Next Weekend's Musical Affairs - A Few Promotions

Next weekend, the first weekend of August, will prove to be a very musicalicious time to be had by all participating.

First, if you recall, Friday 01 August is TOWN's talent contest. $1000 will be awarded to the winner of this monthly competition. Don't you have a talent you've been dying to show the world? Don't you want $1000 dollars? Then contact TOWN (info@towndc.com) and get in on this.

Second, I spoke more than once about an artist who hails from the New York City area. Mario's music is emotional and moving (in many senses of the word) and just plain fantastic. And on Sunday 03 August at 1800 (that would be 6 PM), he will be performing a FREE show at the Kennedy Center Millenium Stage. This, I believe, will be his first-ever performance in Washington, D.C.! And we don't want it to be his last. So all you fans out there really need to come and show him some love ... and bring a few friends as well. You and they will not be disappointed.

Third, after the Mario concert ... since you're in the area ... you should come join me at Cobalt's Sunday Night Karaoke. It's the perfect venue to relax a bit, kick back a few drinks, jaw with the friends, listen to some more awesome singing, and (if you've had enough liquid courage) sing a number or two yourself. We have a brand new shiny bar space and a brand new shiny karaoke system ... but the same old dull hosts. The door opens at 2030 (that would be 8:30 PM) and the show starts at 2100 (that would be 9 PM), if all is well. Am I laying it on a bit thick? I certainly hope so. We've worked hard to make a safe, fun, laid-back environment and we want you to enjoy it. So do come.

What are you waiting for? Break out those dayplanners (or smartphones or granite tablets) and put these events on your calendars!

That is all.

Random Music: "Take A Chance On Me" by ABBA

I've chosen this week's song in honor of the release of a certain movie based on a certain play based on the music of a certain pop group from a few decades ago.

My earliest memory of this song is not from radio play, since my parents were staunchly against popular music at the time. Instead (and ironically) it was through the Muppets that I was introduced to this tune (as well as other Pop, Rock, Jazz, or any other music that wasn't Christian or Classical). Have a look at my twisted childhood.



You can see how this would have a lasting impression on an impressionable youth. It wasn't until years later, when my parents' zeal waned a bit and I was old enough to make my own decisions that I finally heard the original recording. And now, my faithful readers, you too may have a listen.

Yet Another Reason Why I Do Not Support Barack Obama

I understand that Charles Krauthammer is a right-wing pundit. This post in no way supports him or his positions, in general, because I generally don't. But, in my opinion, he is spot on in his Op-Ed column today about Senator Obama.

I have yet to know for what Senator Obama stands and for what he will fight ... other than his own hubris and his own rise to the highest office in the land.

The Election Season In Under Five Minutes

Send a JibJab Sendables® eCard Today!

Why I'm Starting To Not Hate why.i.hate.dc

Remember this post from February about a certain website? No? Then read it really quickly.

Done? Okay, I'll wait.

Alrighty then.

It seems "Rusty" has left D.C. to move on to the greener pastures in Columbus, OH. (Stop that snickering!) Like "James F." before him, "Rusty" held a contest to pick the next Hater Of DC. That Hater has turned out to be "Liz". "Liz", it turns out, is an excellent hater. Don't believe me? Compare this final post by "Rusty" with this post by "Liz" on her third day in the Big Chair. Note the difference in language. Note the harsh, abrasive, manic tone of "Rusty" compared to the soft, subtle, almost tender tone of "Liz". (I say "almost tender" because she is, after all, a hater.)

I enjoyed "James F." and even "Rusty" from time to time. I can't say that either of them totally wowed me or won me over with their hate. But "Liz" ... she's a wiley one. She might just make me a fan of why.i.hate.dc yet. (Damn you!)

Indigo Girls And Healing

I'm sitting here at Wolf Trap with Second Brain, Tuffie, Sam, and friends listening to the Indigo Girls concert. (And I say listening because where we're sitting, we can't see them.) They are pheonominal, as always. Yet I find myself a bit meloncoly. This show has been difficult at times. The Girls have been a musical part of my life for the past 14 years-ish. I cannot help but think about the things I've gained and the things I've lost and the things I've gained and the things I've regained. It's funny how "the circle of life" is not a cliché statement.

All in all, this has been a great night.

The Power Of Suggestion

Have you ever seen a bug crawling around all over someone else? Did you notice that they were completely unaware of what was transpiring? Then have you brushed, scratched, or jumped at every tiniest sensation?

Yeah, me neither.

This TOWN Truly Has TALENT Part 3

Do you think you can compete against a couple dozen other talented contestants to win $1000? Then bring it!

From TOWN's webmail:

Friday, August 1st
THIS TOWN HAS TALENT (EPSIODE 2)
Anyone can compete...you can do anything on stage (basically anything) and the audience decides who wins - GRAND PRIZE IS $1000
Contest starts at 10pm.
To sign up for the contest - email us at info@towndc.com

What are you waiting for? Email TOWN to sign up already!

Sony Wega Trinitron 32" Flat Glass-Screen TV - $300

I recently purchased a new television, which means the old television must go. If you're interested in buying the aforementioned old television, see my ad on Craigslist and contact me via email (found on my Blogger profile).

For My Lame Friend

Read about the story behind this picture on Second Brain's site. (Yes, you are lame but don't worry, G. I go'cher back.)

Random Music: "Disco Friends" by Just Jack

I was introduced to the music of my latest subject by Peanut First Brain. Jack Allsopp, a.k.a. Just Jack, is a British performer who doesn't quite fit into a particular musical genre. At times he's very Hip-Hop. At other times, he's old school Groove. Take another listen, and he's straight Pop.

Today, we're focusing on a song from his sophomore album Overtones. A read through the lyrics should make the meaning fairly clear, but in case you're having some trouble understanding, you can get it straight from the horse's mouth at SongFacts.

I know a few people like this ... the ones who are pushing forty yet still dress and behave as if it's 1994, they are still twenty-three, and raves are thriving. Sad cases trying desperately to hold onto their youth in the most embarrassing ways possible.

The song, however, is no sad case. It starts a bit tragic, just like the subject. But it has a funky, low-key groove. And the synthesized vocal in the chorus is pretty sweet (although I have absolutely no idea what it's saying).

See if you can't help but sway in your seat as you check out this tune.

Dear Apple,

I love your products. Honestly. I boast of your goodness to anyone who will listen. You're almost a religion to me. Which is why it hurt me in my soul that you let me down today.

See, I have the original iPhone. (Which I love. Did I mention that I love your products?) Yesterday I upgraded iTunes to Version 7.7 in anticipation of the new iPhone software. Today you released iPhone 2.0 software. Color me tickled pink! (Okay ... don't. Pink isn't a good color on me.) Like a good lemming, I upgraded. (All good lemmings should upgrade.)

Oh, wait.

All good lemmings did upgrade! Which is why my iPhone was a brick for FOUR HOURS until it could connect to your iTunes Store!!!

Guys. Seriously. I understand that everyone wants your stuff. But maybe, perhaps, if you can find it in your collective heart ... next time you do something as massive as release new hardware and software ON THE SAME DAY ... maybe, perhaps, you can ensure that you have the capacity to handle the crush of cyber-people who will be trying to get the latest-and-greatest.

I don't like having my faith shaken.

Your Blind Follower,
The Diarist

A Short Play: "An Apology Would Have Been Nice"

Scene: Nationals Park, Section 141, Row H, Seats 28 & 27.

Players: 40ish male, 30ish male, 60ish female, 8ish child

Two males are sitting their seats, mid-conversation. Female and child walk down aisle and stand in aisle just behind Seat 28.

Female to herself: "I bought these season tickets months ago." She leans on railing without directly addressing the two males.

Male in aisle seat turns to female. Female repeats, "I bought season tickets months ago. Seats 27 and 28."

Second male takes out his season ticket and shows it to the female. "What section?"

Female responds, "Section 142."

Second male clarifies, "This is Section 141. Section 142 is back there." Second male points behind him to other section.

Female, "No this is 142. I've been sitting here all year."

Second male replies, "No ma'am. 140 is in front of me. This is 141. 142 is back there."

Female walks to top of section, checks the aisle signage, calls the child to her, then walks to her seats.

End Scene.

Random Music: "Papa Was A Rolling Stone" by Mr. Groove Featuring Darryl Johnson

To continue along on the "This TOWN Has TALENT" string, this week's random music features one of the competitors in Friday night's competition, and a good friend of mine, Darryl Johnson. I've known Darryl for about a year now. He is one of the regular talents found at Cobalt's Sunday Night Karaoke. The man is a sweetheart and he can sing. (So, for those of you who thought that my comment about the bar being set high was unnecessary gloating, wait until you hear this man. Then you'll know what I was really talking about.)

Darryl was invited to provide the lead vocal track to Mr. Groove's cover of The Temptations' classic "Papa Was A Rolling Stone" on their album Little Things. Kids, he brought it! (See this review of the album.) Take a listen to the track, then check out the "making of" video.

This TOWN Truly Has TALENT Part 2

This TOWN Truly Has TALENT

Last night TOWN held its first of what will be a monthly talent contest, This TOWN Has TALENT. It is open to pretty much anyone to do pretty much anything that they believe will impress the judges and, more importantly, the audience.

Last night, sixteen hopefuls pitted their talents against each other. This is how it went down. We each had to sign a standard agreement with TOWN. We informed the TOWN people running the operation behind the scenes (the fabulous X Faction dance group) our name and what talent we would be showcasing. We were all randomly assigned numbers. Then we all waited upstairs in the Quiet Room for the competition to start.

One by one, our usher took us from the Quiet Room to the downstairs backstage area. When our hostess, Ms. Lena Lett, called your name, you were given four minutes to wow the judges and the audience with your talent. Once you were finished, you were allowed to stand in the audience and watch the rest of the show. The judges chose the finalists; the audience chose the winner.

I was Number 15 of 16 performers. I knew a few of the other people in the contest and knew the competition would be incredibly tough. (*coughDarrylJohnsoncough*) As the next-to-last, I only was able to see one person perform, so I really had no idea how well (or how poorly) the previous contestants did.

My name was called and walked up the steps from the backstage onto the stage. The room was packed! Wall to wall! I hadn't seen it that busy since Memorial Day weekend. I performed "Walking In Memphis" by Marc Cohn. If you're not familiar with it, here it is.


I have to admit, although it didn't show, I was nervous as hell! There were so many people and I couldn't hear myself on stage. All I had to gauge how I was doing was the reaction from the audience. Which was very positive. So I couldn't have been stinking the joint up that badly.

And having Ms. Blair Michaels doing her best Paula Abdul impersonation certainly helped easy my nerves. (Not the I-can't-finish-a-coherent-sentence Paula, but the I-am-so-loving-this-performance-I'm-going-to-stand-and-applaud-you Paula.) Thank you for that, Ms. Michaels!

The finalists were:

1. a short, incredibly built Asian guy who did ballet in his underwear,
   
2. a drag queen and companion who performed to a Beyoncé tune,
   
3. a burlesque dancer, and
   
4. me.

Then the judges were taken back stage, we were again assigned random numbers, we were given thirty seconds to perform a piece of what we had done earlier, and the audience chose the winner by applause.

And the winner was Yours Truly.

And, honestly, the winning was icing on the cake. I was happy to have just sang in front of that crowd. It is such a high being able to do what I love to do, what I was born to do, even for only four minutes.

And for that, TOWN, thank you from the bottom of my heart. This talent competition is a fantastic idea and one that I hope that TOWN can continue. But they can only continue it if you people keep competing.

So keep bringing the talent! The bar is set high (from what I've heard). And, now, I'll be watching.

*cue thunderbolts and lightning*

Random Music: "Moonlight In Vermont" by The Consort (Solo By Robert S. Bise)

I apologize for my tardiness in posting this week's Random Music. I had legitimate reasons.

This week's offering is very special to me. It is a classic piece of World War II era big band jazz music written by John Blackburn and Karl Suessdorf. The universe contains a good many excellent recordings of this song, but the version I am posting today was performed by The Charles County Consort.

(Well, technically, it was performed by Yours Truly with Lyn Schramm on the piano and Bill Thomas on the drums.)

There really isn't much to say about this tune other than it is a beautiful piece of music. I hope that it piques your curiosity to discover more (and better performed) WWII era big band jazz music.

Today's Advertisement

Found in the window of Tropicana is today's picture. I truly hope that it's a play on words, but somehow I don't think it is.

For Tuffie

One of the dear people in my life accepted a new job with greater responsibilities. I am very happy for him. So happy, in fact, that I'm dedicating this Sinfest cartoon to him ...



Go get 'em, Tuffie!

D.C. Cowboys on America's Got Talent

Any good homo in my fair city knows who the D.C. Cowboys are. A friend of mine, Aaron Jackson, is a member of the famous gay cowboy dance troupe (and you can see him over Kevin Platte's right shoulder (the one with the mic)). I had heard that they would be auditioning for America's Got Talent and, sure enough, they did. If you didn't see the show, you can catch their appearance below.



Congratulations, boys!

Anacostia, My Home Sweet Home

Washington City Paper has a very interesting pool of articles covering the major neighborhoods in the District. One is a very thoughtful piece written about Anacostia, Fairlawn, Barry Farm, and Buena Vista (collectively addressed as "Anacostia" to those who don't live here). The first three sentences sum up everything with which I have to deal when talking to people about my neighborhood.

Let me warn you about Anacostia: If you move there, your friends are going to make all sorts of stupid remarks about it right to your face. They will ask you if you carry a gun. They will be quite concerned about your well-being and they will, in all likelihood, not come see you at your large and inexpensive historic home.

Well, in my case, it is my large and inexpensive one-bedroom condo bordering parkland. But you get the point.

The author, while speaking about the potential of growth here, makes the assumption that D.C. United will build a soccer stadium at Poplar Point. While it would be a handsome new addition to my neighborhood and would keep Major League Soccer's winning-est team (and the District's most successful team ever) in the city, it appears to be a prospect that looks less likely by the day. So all of this growth that will eventually come to Anacostia will just have to happen a bit slower (unless the city gets its shit together and gets that stadium built).

But I digress.

I echo the sentiments of David Garber, an Anacostia blogger:

Graber wishes people would focus more on Anacostia’s gorgeous old houses—lots of 19th-century wood-framed stand-alones in various states of solidity and decrepitude—and the potential for its historic main street to be rehabbed into a more Georgetown-like place. The buildings are lovely, and the sidewalks have potential, though you get the feeling it’s going to take a long time before blond yuppies spend their flip-flopped weekends drunkenly stumbling around here.

This really is a great place to live and had a ton of potential. Those who move in now, as is with all "transitional neighborhoods", have the most to gain when (and not if) the neighborhood forms into a "SE Georgetown". It isn't the crime-ridden crack den it was in the 80's and early 90's.

Where I really want to point your attention is to The Neighborhood Rankinator. Which neighborhood ranks Number 4? That's right ... Anacostia. We rank higher than "safer" and "more notable" neighborhoods such as Foggy Bottom, Woodley Park, Adams Morgan, and Tenleytown.

That's right! Suck it, Dupont Circle!

(No, really. Suck it.)

Random Music: "Everybody's Got Something To Hide Except Me And My Monkey" by The Beatles

Let's see how long this post stays up before the strong arm of Apple Corps LTD slams down on me.

This song is one of the lesser known entries in The Beatles' catalog. (I'm not providing a link to The Beatles. If you don't know who they are, shame on you.) It's taken from their double album The Beatles, which is more widely known as "The White Album". What makes it stand out from any other recording The Beatles had ever made is its funky 1970's dance groove (pushed mostly by Paul's funky bass line and that powerful cowbell). What makes it stand out from any other recording ever, and so it's place here today, is that it was released in 1968. Just goes to show, yet again, how progressive and groundbreaking the band was and why they will always be the greatest rock band in history.

I prefer that songs-of-no-sense be left that way. I like songs like this one, with words that can be interpreted any way the listener chooses, to be left that way ... open to interpretation. Well, John had to go and ruin it with an explaination:

In 1980, Lennon said: "That was just a sort of nice line that I made into a song. It was about me and Yoko. Everybody seemed to be paranoid except for us two, who were in the glow of love. Everything is clear and open when you're in love. Everybody was sort of tense around us: You know, 'What is she doing here at the session? Why is she with him?' All this sort of madness is going on around us because we just happened to want to be together all the time."

Whatever.

I'd rather think that it really was about your standard drug induced spiritual mumbo-jumbo that was all the rave at that time (again pioneered by The Beatles).

That and monkeys.

The People's Choice

Every once in a blue moon, the residents of my fair city renew my hope in them (at least for a few minutes). Today, it was announced that in a very close race that the winner of the District quarter race is none other than ...

District Two-Fer - Three?

I just posted today a couple District-related stories. "One-Fer" covered Mayor Marion Bar ... I mean ... Adrian Fenty's (I really should get that name right) District-taxpayers-funded campaigning for Senator Barack Obama's Presidential bid.

WTOP is now reporting that Mayor Fenty is rethinking his position on making us foot the bill.

Fenty says he will review his policy.

"The citizens of the District of Columbia have my commitment that we will review everything we're doing, compare it to what other big city mayors do and compare with what governors do. And if it is not following what those big city mayors are doing, then we'll make an adjustment."

Here's an adjustment for you, Mr. Mayor. You seem to be keen on opposing spending public money on ballparks, hotels, and other such projects which actually help your constituents because you say that these people have enough money and should spend their own if they want it done.

Why do you have to review, compare, and adjust when it comes to a Presidential candidate? Maybe you missed the news when Senator Obama was breaking fundraising records. Or maybe you were too busy today playing lackey for a position on Obama's Administration doing the people's work to notice that he opted out of public financing today. Sounds to me like the man has enough money to cover your tab.

So here's the easy and right answer, Mr. Mayor. The District will be refunded from the Obama campaign coffer the over-$50,000 you have spent campaigning for Senator Obama. All future campaigning you do for the good Senator will be paid for by the Senator's campaign coffer.

Quit brown-nosing on our dime!

District Two-Fer

One-Fer
While I think Rusty at Why.I.Hate.DC. is a douche and complains too much about petty issues and is flat-out wrong on others, I have to agree with him 100% on a piece of news on which he commented today. That news, reported by Mark Segraves with WTOP Radio, is about Mayor Mari ... I mean ... Adrian Fenty and the over $50,000 he's charged District taxpayers for his campaigning across the country for Senator Barack Obama. All I really have to say is that I railed against electing him for mayor on my previous, and now-defunct, blog site. I told you all that Adrian Fenty was a populist con artist and that his administration would be the second-(or would that be third-)coming of the Marion Barry years. But you District residents overwhelmingly voted him into office. Well, you deserve the government you elect. I hope you do better on this whole Presidential election thing.

Two-Fer
Schools Chancellor Michelle A. Rhee has stated that she is planning on being Schools Chancellor for seven more years. While this decision is partly out of her hands, I do hope that she decides to stick this through and that future city administrations keep her on for as long as she wants to stay. As I've said before, hiring Chancellor Rhee was probably the smartest thing Mayor Fenty has done so far. She's intelligent, innovative, committed, and not afraid to make the right decisions for the benefit of the city's children, regardless of how many special interest groups she pisses off. Kudos you, Chancellor!

Gay Hell

I'm not sure which it is exactly (Dante sort of left it out), but I do believe that sitting in a room full of men who are all drinking wine and singing along to "The Little Mermaid" has to be one of the nine Circles Of Gay Hell.

Why God? WHY?!

Best Buy, why must you mock me so? Have I not been good to you? Why do you turn your back on me now, in this, my hour of need?

You are a cold, heartless, soulless mistress.

(But I still love you.)

Random Music: "Cuando Canto" by Ozomatli

I first heard this band when a friend of mine let me rifle through a stack of promotional CDs he took home from his stint in radio and publications. (Trust me, those folks get a TON of freebies.) I don't know what it was that led me to take the CD. Perhaps it was my strong, yet budding, interest in Latin and Latin-influenced music. Perhaps it was because it was free and, let's face it, who am I to turn down a gift? Whatever the reason, I took it. And I played it. Over and over again. I was not only left speechless by the mixture of musical styles but also by the talents of the musicians, the power of the words, and the emotion in the songs.

But who is Ozomatli?

Ozomatli is hard to explain. So I'll let Wikipedia get into the weeds for me. I can say that their music defies categorizations at times and that they are one of the more obviously activist bands performing today. If you've ever seen Never Been Kissed, then maybe you remember the club scene ... the one with the "special brownies". No? It starts around the 4:05 mark on this YouTube video. The band performing onstage? Ozomatli.

Okay then.

I've been a fan of the band since my first listen. Their music is powerful. And catchy. And fun. Of the many songs of theirs that I wanted to post, one kept coming to the forefront of my mind. It's not their most upbeat tune. It's not their most political tune. But the music is incredibly moving. And the words, I believe, echo the sentiments of a great number of people out there:

Cuando canto mi canción quero inspirar mi gente con una solución
Cuando desperto en la mañana sé que tengo el poder para un dia triumfar
Cuando me acuesto en la noche puedo mirar estrellas que me dan esperanza
Cuando sueño en la madrugada ojala que mi trabajo no es temporal
Cuando demuestro mi corazón con mis aciones puedes entender que no soy hombre perfecto no soy pero trato mucho, trato decidir lo mas major para el mundo y lo pongo en una canción
Cuando canto mi canción

Roughly translated:

When I sing my song, I want to inspire my people with a solution.
When I wake up in the morning, I know that I have the power for any triumph.
When I go to bed at night, I can see the stars that give me hope.
When I dream in the early morning, I hope that my work is not temporary.
When I show my heart through my actions, you can understand that I am not a perfect man. I am not, but I try to make the best decisions for the world and I put it in a song,
When I sing my song.

Happy Blogoversary To Me! (Now Where Are My Presents?)

It was exactly one year ago today that The District Diaries sprang from the cyber-primordial soup of the Internet. I wasn't a newbie to blogging. I ran a political-centric blog called The Devil's Advocate for the better part of five years. But writing about politics (local and national) took a major toll on me. I began to lose my faith in humankind. I began to lose my sanity. And so, in the early part of 2007, I shuttered The Devil's Advocate and vowed to never blog again.

As fate would have it, my brother and I were talking during a family get-together in May 2007. We discussed politics and music, as we often do. The conversation shifted to blogging. During that conversation, my brother told me that my unique voice should be shared and that I should get back to blogging ... maybe not about politics exactly, but about something.

I thought long about it. Did I really want to get back to the frequent updates and sharing that comes with blogging? It can be very draining, all this thinking and exposing and writing. I've shared more personal feelings here than I'm known to do, as some people can attest. I've jumped into some controversial topics that left me bruised. There have been times over the past year when I wanted to quit this, too.

In the end, my brother was right. I have a lot to say. I have a lot to share. Some of it has been very serious; some of it, not so much. It's been difficult at times, but I believe this site is helping me to become a better person. And for that I have you, my faithful readers, to thank. You have helped to steer the course of this ship. You have become quite vocal yourselves in the comments, commending me when I'm right and calling me out when I'm wrong.

So whaddya say? Think we can keep this thing going for another year?

I'm game if you are.

And Now ... Sports

Congratualtions, Ovie and Bruce!

Pride! What Is It Good For?

My apologies to Edwin Starr but, during Pride Week here in the District, the question needs to be asked. What is the point of this week-long celebration of all things gay?

The homosexual community has become more fragmented and can't seem to agree on anything.

HIV/AIDS is still among us, still claiming lives.

Homosexuals are more visible now than they've ever been.

Pride festivities have devolved into fetish- and stereotype- filled parties where the most negative aspects of the community are on display.

What is there to be proud about?

I wish I knew. At one point in time, Pride Week was a time to show solidarity to the world. It was a time to stand for causes, to push for equality, to demand the same protections afforded to other targeted groups.

Now? I don't know. I certainly can't see a point to any of it. Maybe it's because I've seen where things were and where they are. Maybe it's because I'm just getting old and jaded and comfortable. Maybe it's because I could be right.

Would someone tell me? Pride ... what is it good for?

The Boys And Their New Home

I have two boys, Hades and Zeus. They *finally* love their new kitty condo. See?

Dante Alighieri

Photo of Dante taken by me in Meridian Hill Park, Washington, D.C.
All rights reserved.

A District Two-Fer

ONE:
In my continued mocking of my police chief's latest decision, the Metropolitan Police Department declares this weekend's neighborhood blockade a rounding success. But my favorite quote from the whole article is this:

"As cars came up, they made lefts and rights and went the other way," neighborhood activist Wilhelmina Lawson said. "I support them, and I understand what they're trying to do, but I think they're missing it by not sitting down and talking to the residents. We can help them much better if they talk to us."

But that's not all. My second favorite comes just paragraphs later:

Police in Baltimore, where there has been a 36 percent decrease in homicides and shootings this year, said they attribute that to targeting violent criminals and improving relationships with members of the community.

"You lock up the baddest of the bad in part by working with people in the neighborhood," Baltimore police spokesman Sterling Clifford said. "You look to people in the neighborhood to tell you who they are and where they are."

If B'more gets it, why can't we?

TWO:
How much did Harriette Walters syphon away before getting caught? $50 million? Not even close. Try closer to $185 million!

Following Harriette Walters's input, officials left her small unit out of the new software system, making it easier for her to escape detection as she allegedly produced fake checks that prosecutors say amounted to $50 million.

Directors in the scandal-plagued tax department now want to scrap the $135 million system rather than try to upgrade it to make it more secure. The chief financial officer's technology manager says the system, installed between 2000 and 2004, is too outdated and clumsy to be worth fixing.

This has been a rough couple of years for my poor city.

Random Music: "Iphigenia In Brooklyn" by P.D.Q. Bach

There isn't much I can say about this other than Professor Peter Schickele is a genius. You should take some time to listen to the works of P.D.Q. Bach. To get you started is "Iphigenia In Brooklyn". It's not one of P.D.Q. Bach's more famous pieces (but what is, really), yet it will give you an idea of the sophistication of his work. Listen very carefully to everything ... lyrics, music, "sound effects" ... anything can be a gag. (It helps to have an understanding of music in general, music theory, musical instruments, Greek mythology, et cetera, et cetera, so on and so forth.)

(In the music, listen closely for a well-known children's church song and a very recognizable entrance to a famous classical piece.)

And so you can follow along:

From: Cantata: Iphigenia In Brooklyn, S. 53162
Composer: P.D.Q. Bach (Peter Schickele)
=========================
Aria: "As Hyperion across the flaming sky his chariot did ride, Iphigenia herself in Brooklyn found."

Recitative: "And lo, she found herself within a market, and all around her fish were dying; and yet their stench did live on."

Ground: "Dying, and yet in death alive."

Recitative: "And in a vision Iphigenia saw her brother Orestes, who was being chased by the Amenities; and he cried out in anguish: 'Oh ye gods, who knows what it is to be running? Only he who is running knows'."

Aria: "Running knows."

As featured on "An Evening With P.D.Q. Bach (1807-1742)?", (LP 1965)

It Shall Be Mine ...

... oh yes, it shall be mine.

Let's Not Have A Repeat Of Memorial Day Weekend Next Week, Shall We? Thanks.

Last night was a very slow night (thankfully). But, for some bizarre reason, I still had to deal with cuntwad patrons. I had three annoying people ... out of the twenty who were there ... which seems like an awfully high cuntwad-to-awesome ratio to me ... harass me. Here are some things not to say to me while I'm working:

• How long until I'm up?

I honestly don't mind you asking me this question ... once ... when you hand me your song card. I will gladly tell you your estimated wait time. Any further inquiries from you will result in the exact same answer from me. Which means you will never get to sing.

• Did you call my name yet?

Did you hear me call your name yet? No? Then I must not have called your name yet. Move along now. And pay more attention to what's happening here.

• Can you move me up in the line?

Technically, yes. I am the host, you know. But that's not how we roll here. This is a "first come, first served" zone. You get put in the song queue in the order in which you handed me your song card. If you want to sing sooner, show up sooner.

• But this person up here sang twice already since I've been here!

Yep. This person showed up early and gave me their songs early. Move along now.

I really don't want to be a dick to you. I'm running this show as fairly as I possibly can. Ask anyone who knows me; I'm a creature of rules and fairness. (And majorly anal retentive.) My goal, my job, is to move this show on in the quickest, most entertaining way. On slow nights, everyone will get to sing ... more than once, even. But on nights like Memorial Day weekend and, I imagine, next weekend, it will be insanely busy. The best way to ensure that you will sing is to be there when the doors open, pick your song(s) quickly, and hand your song card(s) to me ... early. Otherwise, I can't guarantee anything.

Be patient. Have fun drinking and socializing. Pay attention to the show. Don't harass the host. And we'll all have a gay ol' time together.

To Those Who Didn't Understand My Final Twitter Update Yesterday

Watch the first clip here. It will all become clear right around the 00:51 mark.

For The Republican Who Has Everything ... Except A Clue

FamousDC informs us in a post today about a new keepsake that defies logic. You can get yours at the official Republican National Committee store.

The Continuing Saga Of Bringing Kurt Russell Films To Life

As was mentioned yesterday, the city police will quarantine off the Trinidad neighborhood to discourage violent crimes. Some people are happy to roll over and let the police do what they will, even if that means hassling innocent people. (Which, I always thought, we all were until proven guilty. But what do I know.)

Others are not quite as pliable and are vocalizing their concerns with city officials and the police chief. Instead of making a logic-based argument, perhaps ... say ... by citing statistics of how violent crime rated dropped so dramatically in these other cities where this measure has been implemented, Chief Lanier instead turned to those tried-and-true District stand-by retorts ... whining and snark.

"Its funny," Lanier told reporters, "We put check points in place all the time for major events around federal buildings and nobody cares. Now that we want to do it to stop shootings and violence in our neighborhoods, it's as if it's something that's unreasonable. We've been doing it for years around federal facilities in the name of terrorism. If what's going on in our neighborhood doesn't classify as something that justifies this, I don't know what does."

It is funny, Chief, because nothing draws people to your point of view quite like berating and humiliating them. You might as well have used the the infamous "flag argument" ... it would have been just as effective.

The city will move ahead with this approach. And it will be done half-assed because they will meet resistance from the people of the city. And nothing will improve.

Sometimes, I hate D.C., too.

Pay-PAHS?! Vee Don't Need No Steen-keeng Pay-PAHS!

Several blog sites have picked up on this The Examiner story.

D.C. police will seal off entire neighborhoods, set up checkpoints and kick out strangers under a new program that D.C. officials hope will help them rescue the city from its out-of-control violence.

Under an executive order expected to be announced today, police Chief Cathy L. Lanier will have the authority to designate “Neighborhood Safety Zones.” At least six officers will man cordons around those zones and demand identification from people coming in and out of them. Anyone who doesn’t live there, work there or have “legitimate reason” to be there will be sent away or face arrest, documents obtained by The Examiner show.

(The Washington Post has a write-up on this story as well.)

If you think this is some belated April Fool's joke, it's not. The Office of Mayor Adrian Fenty released this press release today to address this so-called "public safety initiative".

The other bloggers have effectively covered the "slippery slope to a police state" angle of this story, so I'll let that be. I'm more concerned about precedent already set - how this plan will fail. See, the mayor, the police chief, and the interim attorney general have not done their due diligence. If they had, they would already know that once you've locked down an area from the rest of civilization, you can't unlock it. It becomes a haven for the very people you're trying to keep out. Then, before you know it, you'll have to go back into this boiling cauldron of evil to save the President, to retrieve the remote control for a super space weapon, or to find a cure for a devastating disease. And we just don't have people lying around in this city competent enough to pull off such stunts.

So please, people running this city, think of the President and shelf this idea.

Two Of My Childhood Favorites, Together At Last

Watch them in order.

PART 1


PART 2


PART 3

Random Music: "Shambala" by B.W. Stevenson, by Three Dog Night, and by Rockapella

One of the few popular songs from my childhood that has left an impression on me to this day, Shambala has been one of those rare musical enigmas ... a catchy tune that charted in the same year under two separate performers. In 1973, it charted Number 66 for B.W. Stevenson and, a few weeks later, Number 3 for Three Dog Night.

B.W. Stevenson's version is not quite as slickly produced as Three Dog Night's. It definitely has a country twang to it. It starts a half step lower then, in the last verse, it augments up a half step into a key we more recognize. And instead of "ooo", he gives us "yay-ee". But, in its own right, it is a strong recording. Take a listen for yourself.


As mentioned already, the song broke the Top 100 twice in the same year by two different performers. Still despite its popularity, it rarely has been covered since 1973. Usually songs that prove to be so infectious will be recorded many times over. Perhaps it is because Three Dog Night's recording is viewed as the de facto version. Perhaps it is because the subject matter, of one's journey to enlightenment, hasn't necessarily been culturally relevant since the early 1970's. Perhaps it is because the song is so goddamned difficult to sing!

Whatever the reason, the Three Dog Night recording is the most prevalent and the one that comes to mind.


But!

In my scouring of the Internets, I have found another version. This one was recorded in 2002 by the a capella singing group Rockapella on their album Smilin'. It is familiar insomuch as it's "Shambala". (I mean, really, how much can you change a song before you irreparably "re-imagine" it into something completely different and new?) Rockapella's interpretation, in my opinion, embodies in tone and execution how I imagine a path to spiritual growth would be. (As a "Recovering Baptist", I haven't devoted much time to growing spiritually in a long while so I don't really know what it would be like. But that's a post for another day ... perhaps.)

As much as I still love the Three Dog Night version and as much as it will always hold a dear place in my heart, I have to admit that Rockapella's version has become my favorite version of this song.

What say you?

Since I'm Awake - Ten Random Thoughts

1. Insomnia is evil and needs to be destroyed. Where's the government funding for this project?
   
2. Feelings and emotions are necessary elements of life. But it doesn't mean I have to like them.
3. "Notes From The Frozen Bar" on The Knowledgemonger's site is an absolute Must Read!
4. Dance music doesn't have the same affect outside of the nightclub.
5. Did I mention that insomnia sucks?
6. Sharing feelings and emotions is even worse than having them. I mean, c'mon, who wrote these rules? Isn't there an annual peer review process?
7. "Hey, hey ... we're da Monkees. People say we monkey 'round. What of it?"
8. Insomnia. Yeah.
9. Having music playing in a vehicle that all passengers can hear is an absolute necessity.
10. I'm not one to wax poetic or drop clichés but. Love is a rare resource in this world. Share it when you have it. Recognize it when you see it. Accept it when you feel it.

... Wants To Know ...

... Why He Does This.

The Boo-Bugs Are Already Out

Remember when I dropped this sweet bit of news on you last month? I was so terribly excited. So you were, deep down inside. You can admit it; we're all friends here and this is a safe place.

You weren't? You're concerned about the second post-Hobbit movie ... the one that doesn't occur anywhere in Tolkien's tomes?

Join the club ...

Insomnia And Late (Late) Television

I've already blogged about this but it was on again tonight and, as before, I laughed my arse off.

Thank you, Craig! Again!

Rachael Ray, Yasir Arafat, And Michelle Malkin (Or "... Mmm ... Forbidden Doughnut ...")

Conservative blogger Michelle Malkin seems to think that Rachael Ray chose her fashions poorly for a Dunkin' Donuts commercial. Bowing to pressure, Dunkin' Donuts pulled the ad.

Ms. Malkin thought that Rachael's scarf resembled a kaffiyeh, stating that she was "hoping her hate couture choice was spurred more by ignorance than ideology". Dunkin's Sr. VP for Communications Margie Myers disagreed, stating that it "was selected by a stylist for the advertising shoot" and that "asolutely no symbolism was intended".

What do you think? Did RR make an unforgivable fashion faux pas or is MM off her gourd?

Here's a picture of RR from the commercial wearing her scarf and a picture of Yasir Arafat wearing his kaffiyeh. You decide.

Image of Rachael Ray taken from the Michelle Malkin post linked in the post.

Image of Yasir Arafat taken from this Foreign Affairs site.

Multiracial In America

MSNBC posted an article today addressing multiracial Americans and how Mr. Obama's race for the Presidency has drawn more focused attention to them.

My reaction to this article is simple ...

... multiracial Americans have been around since the first generation of natural-born Americans.

What? Just because the majority of multiracial Americans now have more white features than the "modern multiracial movement" iteration means that we don't count?

I call shenanigans.

America is a multiracial nation filled with multiracial citizens. Always has been. Always will be. Articles like this do nothing to bring us more together. It is just another way to divide us.

Captain's Quarters? No! Historic Black Figures' Quarters!

Remember when I told you this a few weeks ago?

The day you have been eagerly anticipating has finally arrived and we are now able to vote on our favorite design from a mediocre group. Voting is occurring on the District of Columbia Office of the Secretary website!

What's that you say? Voting is limited to District residents?

Of course it is ...

... or is it?

(Just remember, the idea to cheat the system was not planted in your impressionable brain here. Blame DCist.)

Git 'Er Dun!

This on-again-off-again dance with professional sports teams makes the District look the fool, from my perspective. It has been my long-standing opinion that having and keeping professional sports teams, regardless of how niche they may be, within the city boundaries is in the District's long-term interest. Having such entertainment unique to the city (and not running off to a suburb rival ... *cough Redskins cough*) is one of the many things that draws people to the city. Once here, especially if the surrounding area has been wisely developed, said people drawn to the city will stick around for a while before and after the game, spending money inside the city limits.

Wise people understand that money spent now is money made later.

And it looks like unwise people are finally understanding that too.

As with everything in the District, there are supporters and there are critics. Both voices should be heard but, in the end, the long-term interests of the city should be the deciding factor.

Is another stadium more important that improving our public schools? Absolutely not. However one should not be sacrificed at the expense of the other. Besides, it appears as though our publics schools are finally in the capable hands of a chancellor who is willing and able to make the tough decisions for the betterment of our failing education system. Instead of begging for more money to feed this bloated beast (as has been the modus operandi with past chancellors), Chancellor Rhee is performing the surgeries necessary to remove the tapeworms that have been eating the monstrous amounts of money already being given to the system.

Besides, the money being allocated to help finance the soccer stadium is coming from the money made at the baseball stadium ... money that would not even exist were it not for former Mayor Anthony Williams' and Councilmember Jack Evans' resolve.

Here's to hoping that this current City Council and this current Mayor have the same resolve to get this deal done, too.

Random Music: "Resurrection" by Mario Spinetti

I've written, briefly, about the artist featured this week. Of the six songs on Mario Spinetti's current EP, [1/1], my favorite song is "Resurrection".

Again, the artist doesn't spell out what the song means so it is left up to each listener's interpretation. To see what is being sung, check the lyrics on Mario's MySpace blog. (It is possible that MySpace is blocked at your employment site. You may have to wait until you get home.)

To me (because I couldn't tell you what it means to anyone else ... duh), the song speaks to wanting to give up yet soldiering on. Everyone I know, including myself (if you haven't been paying attention up 'til now), has moments when life seems too hard, when the weight of duties and expectations seem too heavy, when all we want to do is crawl into a hole and die. But something stronger calls to us ... whether that be rediscovered inner light, the calming salve of a friendly word, bone-headed stubbornness, whatever ... that gives us the strength to stand up again, dust off the caked-on crap, and forge ahead.

This song is on a heavy rotation on my playlist. I hope you find inspiration in it as well. (And that you discover a love for Mario, too.)

Twitter And Insomnia

Damn you, Tuffie!

If You Don't Like The System, Stop Coming. It Won't Hurt My Feelings Or Our Business One Bit.

Look, I do understand that you waited a long time to sing tonight. You weren't the only one who waited a long time to sing tonight. Unfortunately, we ran out of time and were not able to get to you. You weren't the only one we weren't able to get to. You were, however, the only one who was a cunt. You and your friend. So you want to whine to management about how "bad business"-like it was for us not to allow you to sing because we ran out of time? Be my guest. If you've been participating at karaoke for longer than I've been working, I'm sure you would know how things work on busy three-day weekends. But I somehow doubt that you're a regular (as I am a regular, years before I started working there, and don't recall ever seeing you there).

So, please, cry to the general manager about how unfair I was tonight. But realize that you are the only one who reacted this way. Everyone else seemed to understand that it was an extremely busy night and didn't get up in my grill over it.

Bitch.

Dear Network Conglomerate Advertisers ...

... if you're going to suck up to us to get us to partake of your product, at least wear our colors.

Thanks,
A Consumer

A Gorgeous Sunday

So I was supposed to spend time with family today but went to the Nats game instead. (Thanks, Budsky, for the tix.) It's nothing against my family; I love them dearly. It's just that our tickets weren't exactly cheap and so needed to be used. Besides, it's good to spend positive time with someone I still hold dear. (Thanks, Tuffie, for accepting all last minute like, as this was.)

I hope you all enjoyed your glorious Sunday as well.

Random Music: "The Becoming" by Nine Inch Nails

This week's song should serve as another small window into my inner workings.

A lot of people know me. But not many people know me. And of those few numbers, perhaps maybe three people know me. That is because I find it hard to trust people with those most intimate parts of me. It's something I've tried to work on, with minor success. After all of these years, I am still a work in progress.

Because of my lack of emotion and because of the distance I keep from people, I've been described as robotic, soulless, Vulcan. I understand those tags but I just don't agree with them. (I feel very deeply though you just wouldn't know it.) Still, there are times when I become so frustrated with my life and hurt by the things in it that I "shut down". I can't explain in my own words what I think, what I go through internally, when I close off.

An album by Nine Inch Nails titled The Downward Spiral speaks to me. But a particular song explains my consciousness at those moments of distance very well. It is in the buildup of tension and confusion among the music and sound effects. It is in the sudden calm in the middle, then the sudden calamity, then the sudden calm again at the end. It is in the lyrics, with such example:

The me that you know, he used to have feelings.
But the blood has stopped pumping and he is left to decay.
The me that you know is now made up of wires;
And even when I'm right with you, I'm so far away.

I don't know what Trent Reznor was thinking when he wrote this song. I haven't been able to find anything anywhere where Mr. Reznor explains the song. So it is open to interpretation. You've read mine. Now here is the song.

WARNING: In case you missed it, this is Nine Inch Nails. Trent Reznor isn't known for writing idyllic tunes about clouds and puppies. This song may be disturbing to the sensitive. You have been warned.

The Washington Post's 2008 Post Hunt

"Wait ... that's not the Geico Gecko!"

On a damp, cool afternoon, Washington D.C. experienced something new to the city ... The Post Hunt. This exercise in cerebral gymnastics was created by Dave Barry, Gene Weingarten and Tom Shroder. It is an off-shoot of The Herald Hunt, created by Dave Barry and Tom Shroder when they worked at The Miami Herald.

The turnout for this event was pretty impressive for a first year. I would estimate about 250 people showed, which comprised of locals from VA/DC/MD and visitors from FL who participated in past Herald Hunts. The object was simple ... solve clues to win the hunt.

The six games involved in solving the clues were not as simple.

Only six items were needed to compete in this free event - a copy of Sunday's Washington Post Magazine, a pencil, a piece of paper, a cell phone, your thinking cap, and a healthy sense of humor. If you didn't have a copy of the Post Magazine (because you're a cheap bastard), one was provided to you at the starting site. If you didn't have any of the other items ... well, you were SOL.

I was on a team comprising of myself, Peanut, Alpha Male, and Roommate Of Alpha Male. (Trust me, peeps, those nicknames are much less wordy and far easier to type than the ones they used to have.) Alpha Male and Roommate were fully prepared and had even tried to decipher some of the clues earlier in the morning (in lieu of sleeping, apparently). Peanut and I were not as prepared ... as I am both cheap and forgetful ... so we didn't get our Post Magazine until we arrived at the starting point.

I won't regale you with a play-by-play of the whole event. You can see the six games and their answers on the official website (and so understand the torture that we all went through yesterday). Instead, I'll cover some thoughts:

• Comics who have to follow a script for a hunt aren't as funny as you would expect. But children who ad lib are hilarious!
  
• The Washington Nationals Presidents rock!
  
• A male ruminant is fast.
  
• Reading comprehension is FUNdamental.
• Booing Dave, Tom, and Gene at any and every opportunity is a Herald Hunt tradition and is explicitly encouraged by Dave, Tom, and Gene.
• Coconut fortune cookies are very tasty.
  
• Dave Barry is as funny in person as he is in writing.
• I didn't think about getting Dave Barry's autograph until just now.
  
• Some people don't know the difference between a crossword puzzle and a scavenger hunt.
• I love Peanut and Alpha Male. And Roommate Of Alpha Male isn't too bad, either.
  
• Everyone loves Journey.
  
• The endgame was FAR too complicated and required thinking not only outside of the box but outside of reason.
  
• Which means that the players on the teams that actually solved all six games should be institutionalized.
  

All in all, I am very proud of my teammates. We solved the first five games fairly quickly and easily. Each person on our team provided extremely valuable input ... no one person dominated. Ours was truly a team effort. If we had understood how to think like the organizers better before the hunt, I think we would have placed in the top three. (Are we all in agreement here, teammates?) It was a fun five hours spent with people I wish I could spend time with together more often.

I do hope that the Post makes this an annual tradition. It's a great way to spend a day in the city. It's great exercise, both mental and physical. It's a great way to see parts of the city you may not otherwise see. It's a great excuse to spend time with friends. In short, The Post Hunt is just great!

Happy Bike To Work Day!

Yes, today is that made up environmental holiday, Bike To Work Day! You couldn't have picked a better day for it. Honestly.

(Okay, not honestly. But I'm sure you're expert enough to bicycle, hold an umbrella, and watch out for those lunatic D.C. cab drivers.)

This One's For You (You Know Who You Are)

Random Music: "Young Blood" by Bruce Willis

In the 1980's, it was the hip thing to do for actors to release albums. Most of them ... how can I say ... made cute little puppies within doggie-ear-shot commit suicide. (There was an insanely high number of car accidents involving dogs ... really ... look it up.)

But once in a while, an actor would release a perfectly passable album. In 1987, one Bruce Willis (yes, that Bruce Willis) did just that with his album "The Return Of Bruno". It has quite a few gems, including admirable covers of "Under the Boardwalk" and "Secret Agent Man". Seriously, you really should get this record and enjoy it for the good time that it is.

But back on track, my favorite song on the whole album is "Young Blood". Why?, you might be wondering. It isn't the most famous song listed. It's a by-the-book ditty that doesn't stand out much from any other song produced during the Decade Of Decadence. That is all true. But this song has one of the best lines ever written to music ...

Look, get your hands off my daughter before I play a little Hank Aaron melody on your head, y'understand?!

How can you not love that? Enjoy!

Political Public Service Announcement

I'm sure a good number of you out there are still awaiting a winner in the Clinton-Obama slugfest. I frankly don't care because, well, Democrats are idiots.

Oh, was that too un-PC? Tough. If you morons would just choose the best candidate for your party instead of slicing yourselves up into little focus-group pieces, maybe you'd win more than one important election in a row. But no. You women keep voting Hillary because she's a woman. And you blacks keep voting Barak because he's black. And you homos keep voting for whomever you think is the most fag-friendly. And you white males ... keep sitting on the couch.

Not that Republicans are any better. You had the chance to nominate a killer candidate. But instead you picked McCain. Thanks.

Anyway, lest you feel that your choices are Iraq and A Hard Place, you're wrong. The beauty of our democratic process is that there are more than two parties. And you have more than two choices.

Former Republican Rep. Bob Barr launched a Libertarian Party presidential bid Monday, saying voters are hungry for an alternative to the status quo who would dramatically cut the federal government.

I'm not saying he's a great choice either ... I have no idea what his policy positions are yet. What I am saying is that you have options. Study each candidate running very closely. Understand what they think and what direction they would like to steer our country. Make sure, come November when you pull that lever, that you are making an informed decision.

I Love Sinfest

You should love Sinfest, too.