Movie Review: The Muppets

I recently saw The Muppets. This decision was a foregone conclusion from the first time I heard rumor that a new Muppet movie was being made, one that was going to bring them "back to form". It certainly helped that the movie is getting glowing reviews from big-name critics and small-name bloggers. The gist of what the reviews are saying are:

• The Muppets, who seemed completely lost after Muppets From Space, have found their way back into our hearts and imagination.
• The cornerstone of The Muppets has been, is, and always will be their realness. And this movie cements that cornerstone even more securely.
• Stars of stage and screen, past and present, will still do the ridiculous to be in a Muppet movie.
• The Muppets are as sweet, topical, and subversive as ever.
• The humans aren't too shabby either.
• There is humor for all ages. And all ages can enjoy this flick without worry.

There are a few misfires ... a "WTF" moment with an ill-advised song, an over-abundance of human actors taking up Muppet screen time, too much breaking the Fourth Wall, too much self-referencing. But there are also some great moments ... David Grohl's brief cameo, Sweetums' introduction (for you who've watched all The Muppet movies), Jack Black's performance, the musical numbers (one touching number, specifically, which references something that actually happened on The Muppet Show). Go watch it; this movie gets a solid 4.5 out of 5.

But this isn't what my movie review is really about. I'm about to go deeper into my impressions and thoughts on the movie. Those of you who want to remain untainted by opinion before seeing it should stop reading now and come back again afterwards.

The plot is a superfan getting the crew together to save a forgotten and decaying relic of the past from destruction and desecration. Basically. There's a lesson about finding one's own way in life, discovering one's true self. But, really, who can pay attention to that when we have to get The Muppets back together again?

Don't be fooled. This movie is about reclaiming and reviving one's childhood. Not reliving it ... resuscitating it, bringing it back to life.

There are many out there, Mr. Segel included (at 1:49), who think that The Muppets had to be brought back from the dusty crates and moth-ridden closets for this newest generation to truly appreciate them. And, you know, for this newest generation, those who presumably have never seen The Muppet Show or any of the first three Muppet movies ... maybe they did need a new movie. Maybe they needed this fresh view to really get what The Muppets are and why the people of my generation cherish them so dearly.

Except these aren't my Muppets. Jim Henson has been long dead. The same is true for Richard Hunt. Frank Oz decided to sit this one out. These were the heart, soul, voices, and operators of at least thirteen of your main Muppets, most of whom are major characters in this movie. The kids won't know. But I do. See, The Muppets aren't like James Bond ... you can't just insert new voice and hand and go along as if nothing's changed. Because everything has changed. These people didn't just operate these characters ... these characters were an extension of their unique personalities. You can't just replace a personality (although Madonna has certainly tried to do that over the course of her career).

No, these aren't my Muppets. They are Muppets playing my Muppets. Acting, if you will. And on that point they succeed. Just like I could accept Roger Moore as James Bond, just like I could accept Michael Gambon as Albus Dumbledore, just like I could accept Brian Johnson as lead singer of AC/DC, I can accept these Muppets as a more than adequate substitute for the Muppets of my youth.

So I went and saw The Muppets and I enjoyed it. The Muppets allowed me to fall in love anew with my felt friends. It allowed me to reminisce on my childhood. But it made me want to go back to my The Muppet Show DVDs and watch the real deal. Because no matter how much we wish we could, we can only relive the past; we can't recreate it.

I do wish this new iteration ... this "reboot", if you will ... all the best. In my opinion, they did the legacy of Jim Henson and all of those original Muppeteers proud. I hope that they can continue to build on this foundation that Jason Segel has built because it's a pretty solid one.

Stake Land: Awesome Movie Or Awaiting Disappointment?

Anyone who really knows me knows that I love me a good horror flick. The problem with that is that there are so few good horror flicks. I've seen more than my fair share of movie trailers promising that this time I will get the horror movie I've always wanted: suspenseful, engaging, truly terrifying. The stuff that spawns fear of the dark and gives birth to eldritch nightmares. But far more often than not, I am left unsatisfied by a film that plays to the lowest common denominator by dumbing down the story and piling on the cheap scares (which don't scare me at all).

Yesterday, I saw a new movie called Stake Land on the iTunes Movie Trailers webpage. I watched the two featurettes, "Martin" and "Belle". They are some of the best pieces of suspenseful cinematography that I've ever seen. Both run shy of 5 minutes (closer to 4 minutes if you don't count the movie clip montage at the end of each piece). Both had my eyes glued to the screen. "Martin", in particular, had my heart-rate up a bit higher than normal. These clips are eerie. These clips are memorable. These clips make you want to know what will happen next.

And if history has taught me anything, the movie will be nothing like them.

Horror movies are hard to do. Horror movies containing vampires are even harder. 30 Days Of Night was one of those very few horror movies (specifically containing vampires) that got it right. I cared about the characters. I jumped a time or two. I got a cardio workout without ever moving from my seat.

Can Stake Land follow in those footsteps? It's possible. But it's not probable.

Still, the horror movie freak in me is hopeful.

Yes, But Will It Star Tom Cruise?

I own an iPhone. It is my Brain. It is also my main source of entertainment, especially with game ... especially with Angry Birds. I have completed all of the levels that are currently available with the highest 3-star rating. I have unlocked all of the currently available easter eggs. Simply stated, I love this game. So imagine my excitement when I read that Rovio is fishing for a studio to make this wildly entertaining game into a movie.

I'm all behind this idea. The game has a basic plot - birds have eggs, pigs steal eggs, birds rain avian vengeance on pigs - which lends itself to multiple story directions. Seriously ... this would be hard to screw up. I mean, you'd have to be a talent of epic proportions to make a mess of an Angry Birds movie.

If you haven't played the game or even heard of it before (and if that's the case, what cave do you live in?), here is the official game trailer.

Oh, The Possibilities Of An Epic Fail ...

... even more so than some other films he's helmed. Don't get me wrong, his first two films were pretty darned good. But then ... well ... imagine, if you will, a high cliff and a roadrunner and a coyote. 'Nuff said for how he's fared since then.

Still, while he may have written the screenplay for the movie, he's working from the story from the television series. As long as he is faithful to the source material and doesn't try to get all creative and shit, I think he'll be fine. Because this series was one of my most favorite of all time. Hell, I was even pleased with the series finale. (And those of you who really know me know that I'm typically disappointed with how people wrap things up.)

So, as my personal motto goes, I'm hoping for the best but expecting the worst from this.

Don't you !@#$%^& disappoint me, bi-atch!

(Click here to see what I'm all worked up about.)

Another Burton Masterpiece Coming Together

I'm a huge fan of Tim Burton, ever since he directed his first major motion picture lo so many years ago. His latest endeavor had been in the "next movie to be made" rumor mill ever since American McGee got his (deliciously) creepy hands on the material and fashioned a newer, darker story. Burton's newest baby seems to be coming along just nicely and I, for one, cannot wait until its release in 2010!

Star Trek - The Spoiler-Free-ish Review

*** WARNING: While I won't be going into plot details, I may spill a hint or two about the movie. If you haven't yet seen the movie and you wish to be surprised when you do, you might want to stop reading this review now. But if you don't care, by all means, read away. ***

Star Trek has been a major part of the American psyche since 1966 and has permeated our lives in ways many of us don't even realize. Cell phones, Magnetic Resonance Imaging (MRI), speech translation devices and web sites, and GPS are all technologies that we have today thanks to the vision of Gene Roddenberry. Quotes such as "Live long, and prosper", "I'm a doctor, not a ...", "That is illogical", "Are you out of your Vulcan mind?", "He's dead, Jim", "There seems to be no sign of intelligent life anywhere.", "Beam me up", and "Space, the final frontier ..." are part of our American vernacular. Everyone knows that the unfamiliar red-shirted security officer accompanying the main characters on an away mission will be the only person to die.

I said all of that to say this ... if you profess to know nothing of the original Star Trek universe, you're an idiot and a liar. The original series (and movies) set the tone, the pace, the humor, and the rules of interaction for its other Star Trek children. If you've seen Star Trek: The Next Generation, Star Trek: Deep Space Nine, Star Trek: Voyager, or Star Trek: Enterprise then you've seen the original Star Trek series.

And I said all of that to say this ... the Star Trek of J.J. Abrams universe is not the Star Trek you've come to know, not completely.

In other words, forget about 90% of everything you've come to know about Star Trek. That universe has forever been altered.

I'm not going to go into details about the hows and whys because I would like to keep some mystery for those of you who have not yet seen the movie. Suffice it to say that time traveling is involved. Now I'm not fan of time travel as a plot device. I think it's lazy writing. Write yourself in a corner? Time travel! Run out of ideas? Time travel! Want to relive the past? Oh, now that's too easy. But this movie, this plot, this time travel ... these writers have incorporated it in a way ... the only way I've ever seen ... that says, "Yeah, we did this. And it will change everything." And, boy, does it ever!

Of course, there are things that will not change. The Kirk-Spock-McCoy ménage à trois bromance is not in full bloom, but the seeds have been sown. The crew of the U.S.S. Enterprise will become the close-knit family we've always known. And our favorite characters will continue to spout out those oh-so-famous catch-phrases we've come to know and love.

Trekkers and Trekkies, or anyone who is familiar with the original series, will be severely rewarded with little here-and-theres sprinkled throughout this film. Abrams, his writers, and his cast have tons of hat-tips to the original series and cast. Watch for nods to Star Trek: The Wrath Of Kahn, Star Trek: Enterprise, the original series pilot "The Cage", the TNG double episode "Unification", and the original series episode "The Trouble with Tribbles", to name a few. Also, the new actors pay homage to the original actors without becoming parrots or caricatures.

As a hardcore Trek fan (though far from being a Trekker/Trekkie), I'm pretty well versed in all things Trek. I've seen all the various series (except for that horrid Star Trek: Enterprise). I've seen all the movies. I get upset with things are not right or out of line with Roddenberry's vision.

Until this movie.

It's so well written, so well directed, and so well acted. And SO MUCH BLOODY FUN! Abrams has resurrected this dying franchise and is poised to shape it in his own image. And that's not a bad thing.

Do yourself a favor and go see it.

Are You For Real?!

This had better not suck or so help me gods ...

Watchmen - The Spoiler-Free-ish Review

*** WARNING: While I won't be going into plot details, I may spill a hint or two about the movie. If you haven't yet read the graphic novel or seen the movie and you wish to be surprised when you do, you might want to stop reading this review now. But if you don't care, by all means, read away. ***

This past Saturday, after sitting around the condo for most of the day, I got a bit bored and decided to do something I hadn't done in many months - go see a movie. Watchmen had just been released the day before and so I thought to myself, "Self," because that's what I call myself, "let us go watch Watchmen and see if it lives up to the hype or if it's the big disappointment that the pre-release reviews say it is." And so I went on Fandango, bought my ticket, printed it out, and trekked my way to the movie theater.

I arrived about forty minutes early (cutting it close, from what I've heard about the lines). Seeing the parking lot half empty, I felt safe in lighting up a smoke before entering the theater. I walked up to the ticket guy, handed him my pre-printed ticket, and entered the lobby.

I was immediately accosted by some fellow taking a survey on commercials shown before the movies. If you know me or if you're a faithful reader, you already know my position on commercials at the movies, but what was a couple minutes out of my life? What can I say, I was feeling generous.

So yes. Movie.

But first there were the previews, most of which, yet again, disappointed me greatly.

"Excuse me, sir." Ah ... the survey taker followed me into the theater! "I forgot to ask your age." I told him my age and, slightly startled, he replied, "Do you mind if I put you down as twenty-four years old? I didn't realize you were outside of the demographic."

Sure, dude. Knock yourself out.

Disappointing trailers. Yes. Littering my vision like ... well ... like litter, I suppose. Except for one. Where the first trailer was witty (as I commented on my other movie review last year), this trailer got me all sorts of excited. To quote Tuffie, "Finally the Star Trek series is going to be fun and explosive and [...] ENTERTAINING again for its entire fan base!" Amen and hallelujah.

Now to the movie.

I'm not a Watchmen fanboy. I've never read the graphic novel, though I will now to see what was edited or scripted out of the movie, as I did with The Lord Of The Rings trilogy ... as "epic" as a movie based on existing material can be, something important is always left out. Anyway, I was walking into this movie a complete Watchmen virgin, with no expectations other than to be impressed by a good story, neat-o effects, and bone-crunching fight scenes. (Notice I didn't say good acting.)

I wasn't disappointed.

Fantasy movies, by definition, demand the audience to suspend a good deal of belief. Even fantasy movies "grounded in realism" like Christopher Nolan's Batman series. You have to walk in knowing that very little that is about to happen is plausible in any way whatsoever in the real world. I do appreciate the attempt to make it as "real" as possible to allow the audience to connect to it in some real way, though.

I enjoyed seeing the heroes as the semi-realistically flawed people they would be if they truly existed. Seriously, if your soul purpose for living was to fight crime, how could you not be at the very least marginally screwed up? Or if you were the only person on the planet who embodied the definition of superhuman and could see the past and the future and all other planes of existence simultaneously, how could you not help but become apathetic toward humanity and its incessant need to eradicate itself? I understood this side of these characters. I liked seeing this side of these characters.

I appreciated that a character existed who saw the world in absolutes, who refused to compromise despite the ramifications. As much as we are hesitant to admit as much, people like that do walk our earth. I also appreciated that some of these characters needed to be heroes ... they needed that fix as badly as an addict needs a score or some people need attention.

I found the pacing of the movie to be comfortable. It slowed just enough in a couple places to add some back narrative and to allow the audience to catch their collective breath. Of course, it helps to have a character like Rorschach to push it along.

The fight scenes were pretty cool, though nothing I haven't seen before. I think, maybe, they would have been better if Mr. Snyder hadn't relied on his now-becoming-signature slow motion shots. Maybe one day an American director will study Asian action movies and learn how to do action correctly without having to rely on gimmickry.

Oh, but what of the plot, dear Diarist?

The story is pretty solid, as superhero movies go. I don't think it would have been as surprising if I had been watching for the signs that were peppered throughout the story. Yes, there are plenty of clues leading up to the big finale and if you are watchful (HA!) you will see them. I, obviously, wasn't. Frankly, I was so drawn in to the movie. There is so much visually to take in. And the acting, while not spectacular (with exception of Jackie Earle Haley), is strong enough to support the script.

My only major quarrel (which is a minor quarrel, really) is defining Ozymandias as "The World's Smartest Man". "The World's Most Perceptive Man" or "The World's Most Opportunistic Man" or even "The World's Greatest Chess Player", perhaps. But I didn't see anything in the movie that would qualify him as the smartest man on the planet. (Unless you argue that being the most perceptive, most opportunistic, and greatest chess player all at once makes you the smartest. I might concede the point on that argument.)

All in all, a good flick. A long flick. But definitely worth your time. Just make sure you have plenty of it.

The Boo-Bugs Are Already Out

Remember when I dropped this sweet bit of news on you last month? I was so terribly excited. So you were, deep down inside. You can admit it; we're all friends here and this is a safe place.

You weren't? You're concerned about the second post-Hobbit movie ... the one that doesn't occur anywhere in Tolkien's tomes?

Join the club ...

Oh. My. God. Yes!

Forgive my geek-out but this news is sweet, sweet music to my ears. Not only is Peter Jackson producing and writing these movies, as has already been reported, but he's tagged one of the most visual and creative people out there to direct them. If you aren't familiar with who this person is, you should be ashamed and then you should check out one of his movies ... most particularly this one.

*bloggy love to Jimmie at The Sundries Shack for the heads-up on this.

Star Wars Stuff We (Sort Of) Wish We Had

NPR has a short article about Star Wars merchandise that never saw the light of day. You will find the audio slide show right here.

It's a shame, honestly. I mean, who wouldn't want Princess Leia AM/FM stereo headphones?

UPDATE: You can find the whole rejected bunch at the bottom of this Ottertorials post. Each picture is clickable so that you can get a good up-close look, much like the picture featured on this post.

(God, I want a Jedi Mood Ring ...)

Cloverfield - The Spoiler-Free-ish Review

Okay. I witnessed the event of the year last night. (Hey! It's only January! Settle down over there!) How was it, you might be wondering.

Let me start by stating that I was early. Very early. Disturbing geeky fanboy early. First one in line early. I didn't plan or want to be; it just happened that events worked it that way for me. After waiting for *mumble* hours, I finally grabbed my seat.

I hate commercials at the theater. Can I just tell you that? I can understand sitting through them for free television. (You know, the kind you get with your rabbit ears? The kind that won't work after this goes into effect?) But I'm paying a pretty penny to sit and watch movies in a movie theater. Ixnay ethay ommercialscay. I figured we're close enough for me to share that. Thanks.

But to the movie.

Oh, another thing. I am seriously unnerved by people who actually try to be first in line at things like this. These are the same people who will spend hours debating the damage points of a Dark Mage who possesses the mystica ... whatever. It's just a movie and you will get a seat. Calm the fuck down, dork.

Huh? Oh. Right. The movie.

By the way. I may have been early enough to be first in line. But I wasn't first in line. Or second. Or third. I was seventh. So suck it.

Anyway. The damn commercials are over and the trailers begin. Generally, I enjoy trailers. Sure some ... okay, most ... of them are crap and some of them over-sell their movie. It's an art, making trailers. The prime example is the trailer for Cloverfield - the first one, shown before Transformers. It is the only trailer I've ever seen where my only reaction was "What the fuck was THAT?!" That's how all trailers should be. The trailers we saw tonight? If you watched I Am Legend in the theater, you've seen these trailers already.

What was I talking about? Movie. Right.

Ooo ... except for one trailer. A teaser for the new Star Trek movie was shown. Thirty seconds of the USS Enterprise under construction. Which is what the text on the screen said - "UNDER CONSTRUCTION". Like the movie still is. Witty, that J.J. Abrams.

I still haven't told you anything about the movie, have I? Hmm, let's see what I can say without really saying anything.

I didn't view it as "America's Godzilla", as Mr. Abrams had envisioned. This movie didn't have the underlying social commentary that Godzilla had. (And if it did, I completely missed it. I certainly didn't get the connection to 9/11 that some people had been suggesting.) The monster was also very cat-and-mouse, as the director said in interviews it would be. The big reveal didn't come until almost the end of the movie, and even that left viewers wanting more. (A cheap trick to ensure a sequel, perhaps?)

Also, if Blair Witch Project made you motion sick or gave you a headache, you should take something before seeing this movie. The camerawork didn't bother me too much.

Did I like it? Eh ... I wasn't blown away by the movie, but I'd see it again. There were some things in it that I really wish had been different. I believe that the film makers could have impressed the same sense of intimacy and confusion on the movie watchers without using the "handheld recorder" device. To me, it made the movie seem very amateur and a little hard to follow. Additionally, I was so annoyed by some characters that I wished they died much earlier and in extremely painful ways. But they didn't. (I suppose that's true in real life, too.)

I would also like to add that if you're billing this as a "giant monster beats down New York City like Ike Turner beat down Tina" movie, then I expect to see more destruction as it's happening, not the aftermath of the destruction. While character investment is a good thing in most movies, no one really gives a flip about the characters in a monster movie. Characters in movies like this are expendable, like EMI employees (ZING!); it's all about the monster and what destruction said monster inflicts on humanity.

There were a lot of very cool and extremely tense moments, enough to justify a second viewing by me. The monster (Mr. Grumpy Pants, or MGP, as some sites call it) is pretty wicked. Some of the scenes made me gasp. Out loud. And I was rather satisfied with the ending.

It isn't everything the hype has made it out to be, but I do recommend that you see it. (Preferrably on the Big Screen.) Then come back here and share your thoughts in the comments section.

I Cannot Wait

Yeah, it will probably suck monkey balls, but I'm so looking forward to seeing this movie. The only issue I have with it right now is that a certain character has gone from this to this. But that's just the purist in me complaining.

With the recent rash of TV-cartoon-to-cinema-live-action movies, I think it's only a matter of time before we see a live action G.I. Joe movie. There's already talk about a Voltron movie.

But what about that other cartoon series? You know, that bastard step-brother of Transformers? Seriously?! That movie would be so friggin' cheesy it would rock!