When The Cab Is At The Door, You Have To Take That Ride

Last night I got to thinking about the sudden yet not-completely-unexpected death of Amy Winehouse. She was 27 years old and joined an inauspicious group of famous people who left this physical plane at a young age.

First, I want to note that I didn't say "she left us too soon". Amy died when she was meant to die, not a moment too soon or too late. The world may not have been ready for her to go. But that is our fail of expectation. People die. Sometimes we're ready for it, as when someone suffers from a long-term illness. Sometimes we aren't, as when someone makes a quick exit that we didn't see coming (but should have). That's life.

My grandmother died of heart failure at the young age of 69. She was a feisty woman. She embodied life. But her time was done. I don't agree with it. My mother doesn't agree with it. My father doesn't. My siblings don't. My uncle and cousins don't. She was the dearest person in the world to me and I still hear her laugh, see her smile, smell her perfume and cigarettes. I wanted her to stick around long enough to see me married and with great-grandkids for her to enjoy. But them's the breaks. Her time on this earth was over.

One of my heroes and role models, Melvin Ray Batten, died around the same age and the same time. Mr. Batten was my high school music director. He introduced me to choral music. He taught me how to sing and how to read music. He planted in a small, frail, insecure boy the seed of self confidence. He showed me that the only thing that stands between me and what I want to achieve is me. I wasn't ready for him to go. A good number of people weren't either. But it was his time.

All of that is to say this: people die. We wish they could stick around forever. But they can't. That's not the way this universe was arranged. All we can do is honor their lives, acknowledge their memories, and share their love.

At some point during my week, The Lord Bless You And Keep You will play in my head. I always wear a locket with a picture of my grandmother in it. And I have Back To Black in my iTunes library.

We best honor those we've lost by never forgetting them.

Please Don't Treat Me Like An Idiot If You Don't Know Yourself

I'm not going to get into the details here. But I would like to vent this out in a very generalized fashion.

The following is a heavily edited conversation I've had in the past month:

Person: "Hey, did you hear about Story A? I heard/read/saw it this morning and can't believe it. How could such a thing be allowed?"

Me: "I heard/read/saw that as well but I also heard/read/saw other stories that said Story A might not be true."

Person: "Of course it's true. The story cited a person with knowledge of the situation."

Me: "Okay. Well, I don't really care about it."

Person: "Well, you obviously cared enough to heard/read/seen more about this than I have."

Look, I don't mind being treated like an idiot most of the time. I'd prefer that people think I'm disengaged from most serious topics. I've done the "big topic" arguments with people before. They were exhausting and I get no joy out of them.

But let's get something clear. If you come at me with something and I counter with additional information that you didn't previously have, don't discount me because I don't fit your narrative. Most people who know me know that I am fair. Even if I don't like something/someone, I will still get all the information I can about a story before I jump to a conclusion*.

I'll be the first to admit that I'm not the brightest bulb on the tree. I don't have a college degree. I don't read a lot of books. I'm not terribly inquisitive. But I know what I know and I know what I don't know.

And I know that I'm not naïve. If I hear/read/see something that could remotely be borderline controversial, I make sure to get more information about it. I don't stop at one report and say that it is true. Odds are that it isn't.

I also know that I will not speak blindly about any topic with which I am not familiar. I will only comment on things about which I've chosen to educate myself. If I pick a position opposite yours, it is usually not because I'm trying to be difficult or play devil's advocate (although some cases I do). Usually, I am pointing out that, maybe perhaps, you have not devoted enough time to your statement.

* This isn't always the case. I have been known on rare occasions to jump to a conclusion without all the information. Chalk it up to Sporadic Momentary Intellectual Laziness Syndrome.

Happy Birthday To Me!

Yes, today is my birthday. It was exactly 38 years ago that I entered the world and ushered in a new age ... an age of enlightenment ... an age of love ... an age of peace ... an age of Terrestrial healing ... an age of ME!

(Okay, so there's a bit of embellishment there. But if President Obama can make such claims, why can't I?)

"Happy birthday" to me and "you're welcome" to the rest of you!

Monday, Monday ... Can't Blog That Day

There's really nothing in the news I care to blog about today.

I'm a bit tired of hearing about the two-way race for D.C. mayor.

The original location of Ledo Restaurant is closing, but that would only be news if it weren't moving to a new location nearby (so the site is actually closing, not the restaurant ... *yawn*).

Then there were those storms yesterday and what seems like half of the Washington Metropolitan Area lost power. But, again, it would only be news (and thus blogworthy) if no one lost power.

DDOT released a ton of old photos of D.C., which are very cool. (Well, history is cool.) Last week's news, though. (Still cool, though.)

Anyway, it's a Monday. Enjoy the links.

Song To Ponder

I Really Need Some Advice

It's unlike me to be this paralyzed. I mean, I do tend to take an inordinate amount of time to make a decision because I want to weigh all the factors and consequences. But this time ... I'm stuck.

I've invested a lot into a project, but I've been thinking for some time that it just isn't going to make it in the market. Because I've put so much into it, it's hard for me to look objectively at where reality actually stands.

To those of you who have walked away from something to which you've dedicated a lot of personal resources, no matter how easy or difficult it may have been, how did you walk away?

I seriously need some advice here.

I Just Got Lost ...

... and slept right thru the dawn. And the world spin sadly on.

Much To Think About

Over the past couple months I have been thinking about my current romantic relationship, how it affects me, and how it affects my other relationships. While I have no answers to anything, I do know that changes have to be made and that the person I'm seeing is going to have to make some compromises.

For the past year or so, I have sacrificed my non-romantic personal life in order to help fascilitate the growth of my romantic personal life because the person I'm seeing is against everything that I did in my non-romantic personal life prior to our seeing each other.

Now I know that's a bit dramatic. It's also a bit too broad and a bit unfair to the person I'm seeing because not everything I used to do in my non-romantic personal life is off-limits now. It's just that I feel that I can't do any of those things without the company of the person I'm seeing. Perhaps that's an unfair assessment, but it's the way I'm made to feel about it all.

In my humble and honest opinion, it's not healthy to spend every free moment with the person with whom you are romantically engaged. People need things outside of each other ... friends, activities, etc. I need things outside of my romantic relationship. Otherwise, I begin to feel stiffled and resentful. And I really don't want to feel that way.

So what is it that I'm saying? I don't know. I'm still trying to think this thing through.

A Song For You

This Infamous Day

Today is the eleventh of September. You probably already knew that, unless of course you live life without calendars or are so far removed from civilization that time holds no meaning to you. This day will be filled with tributes on the television, over the radio, and across the Internet to those who fell in those terrorist attacks in New York City, Arlington/DC, and Stonycreek Township.

Last year, I wrote a remembrance to that horrible day eight years ago. I had written a tribute every year and I honestly thought about skipping a tribute this year. I couldn't see the point of rehashing and reliving that day. I couldn't find a reason for posting something. Besides, I couldn't think of anything more to add to what I've already said.

Except this.

Time has a nasty habit of dimming the memory, of easing the sense of urgency, of numbing the pain. With each year that passes, I fear that we lose the harsh, cruel lessons we learned on that day.

And for that reason I post this. That day is as real to me now as it was then. I haven't forgotten. I hope you never do either.

Good Morning ... WTF?! (Explosion On Good Hope Road SE)

My condo building was evacuated around 07:00 this morning by D.C. Fire and Rescue. One of the units on my floor exploded. I have no word yet on the cause of the blast. Only the owner of the unit was injured; his injuries were not life-threatening. The rest of us are standing around outside, waiting on more details of what happened. I hope to have more later.






















-- Post From My iPhone


UPDATE - 08:43: Around 08:00, we were allowed back into the building. It appears that roach bombs were the cause of the explosion. Apparently, the unit owner wasn't home when the exterminator visited our building a bit ago and so still had roaches. The unit owner had one roach bomb in the bathroom and two in the kitchen (in cabinets). The fire investigator believes that the stove's pilot light ignited the chemicals from the roach bombs. I was with Regina (the condo board president), Vernon (our maintenance guy), and 7th District Police Officer Schramm when they went into the unit. I took a look around (from the outside of the unit) and listened to their conversation. And let me tell you, we were lucky. The unit owner has crap piled up all over the place, with a couple walkways between the piles of crap. There were paint cans under the dining room table. There were all sorts of chemicals in the kitchen (where the explosion apparently originated). If any of those other chemicals had exploded ... if any one piece of the crap in that unit had caught fire ... well, this would have been a vastly different post.

Oh. Yeah. And the roaches survived the whole ordeal.

UPDATE - 15:08: My photos are on WJLA's website.

UPDATE - 03:47: DCist links to the WJLA website, siting that WJLA was reporting the story ... which is true ... except that The District Diaries reported it first (and as it happened) then tipped off WJLA.

Oh. Yeah. And yes, IntangibleArts, the bugs are all OK. For now.

Love ...

...

1. requires constant communication and reassurance to flourish, much like how a plant needs light and water to grow.
2. is alive and subject to the same rules as any other life on earth.
3. is universal.
4. should not be attached to strings but far-too-often is.
5. , along with Time, can heal any wound.
6. is painful and worth every moment of it.
7. stands by you even when it isn't easy to do so.

... is not ...

1. vacuumed sealed.
2. universally understood.
3. up for negotiation.
4. to be taken for granted.
5. static.
6. limited to one plain of being.
7. to be hoarded away like a life's saving because ...

... Love is best spent on others, and ...

... Love is what you bring into my life and I cherish it more than I can often express.

Sorry For The Delay, But My Transcriber Was Selected To Work In The Obama Administration

Now look here, Diarist - we are busy people with busy lives doing busy things with other busy people. We do not have the time to sit around and wait for you to post something worthwhile on this blog. If you do not get your shit together and soon, we just might have to go find somewhere else to loiter. Capite?

Sì, capisco. There's no need to get all Sopranos on me. Now, call off your cousin ... I like my knee caps in the front of my legs (and in one piece). Thanks.

I know I've been a bit M.I.A. the past couple weeks. (That's "M.I.A." as in "Missing In Action", not "M.I.A." as in ... um ... M.I.A..) I have also been a bit busy as of late. Last week saw me prepping for a new contract. This week (and many more weeks to follow) sees me traveling to the wilds of my neighboring Commonwealth. (I don't care how many multi-laned streets or how many Starbucks or how many buildings taller than ten stories you have ... if I have to drive and my commute is more than twenty minutes, yo ass is in da boonies!) So I have been a bit busy myself. That's life. We live, we learn, we adapt. So buck up and "Do The Darwin".

I do have some special posts that I need to write and put up here, the first and foremost being my first-ever album review. Just kick off your shoes (on the tile, not the carpet, thank you), hang tight, and make yourself at home. The white wine is chilling in the fridge; the red wine is on the rack, the liquor is on the bar; and the good stuff is locked up, so don't even think about it.

Unless you've known me por siempre or you have a crapload of time on you hands (and nothing else more exciting to do), I seriously doubt you've read everything on this blog. And if you have, I doubt even more than you've checked out every one of the fine blogs I've recommended there in that right-hand column.

I will post again. I promise. You have the run of the house (that's not locked down) in the meantime. Enjoy yourselves. And mind those dirty shoes.

We're So Small And The World's So Vast. We Found Each Other Down In The Grass.

First, this post is inspired by my parents, who have been together for more than 40 years.

Second, the post title is taken from "September Grass" from James Taylor's album October Road.

Third, while there will be references to my relationship with my ex, I'm not wishing to have that back. The past is the past, and for the most part, it's a good one and I will always treasure it.

Good. We have an understanding. Now.

I want what my parents have. I want someone to see me, disgusting faults and all, and still want and love me. I want someone who will know me inside and out, who will discover those deepest darkest parts of me, and will still readily claim "He's mine!"

I thought I had that with my ex. But I didn't. It's not his fault, nor is it mine. Despite our best efforts, we weren't meant to be.

Yet each passing day makes me wonder ... Has my time passed? Am I beyond the point of someone taking a gamble on me?

I'd like to think I'm not. But I'm hardly the judge on this point, now am I?

I don't know what I should think or how I should act. I can only do the best I can and hope that the Universe will return the best to me.

*SIGH*

There is very little more heartbreaking than to have to turn down a job possibility on the phone because you don't have the experience for it (not even close) ... especially when that job possibility would have increased your annual salary by $50,000.

Le sigh.

Dancing On The Head Of A Pin

Once in a great while, I will experience something so brief as to almost go unnoticed ... a lyric in a song, a scent on a breeze, a glimpse of a color ... that will cause my past and present to merge for one singular moment. In that moment I realize all over again how fantastically, sadly, beautifully, tragically wonderful my life is.

I remember how insignificant I am in this universe. I remember how blessed I am to have people in my life who would argue that fact with me. I remember what I have lost. I remember what I have gained. I remember what brings me joy and what I could do without. I remember my sins and how many of them have gone without atonement. I remember how deeply I have loved. I remember how hotly I have hated. I remember moments I have tried painfully to erase from my memory.

I can clearly see this person that I am and all that has happened to shape me.

And in this one singular moment I know that I am exactly who I am meant to be. In this one singular moment I am completely at peace.

Spring Cleaning, On The Inside

2009 has been a year of changes. It started with relationships, some ending and some beginning.

Then I quit smoking.

Yes, you read that right. I quit smoking.

Then I joined a kickball league.

Yes, you read that right, too. I joined a kickball league.

A bunch of good friends of mine decided to form a team this year and I was asked to play along. And so I am. Lord knows I need the exercise. Sitting around the house all day is not good for anything, except for getting fat and lazy. Maybe it's just me but I don't think this would look good on me. Not a'tall.

Kickball is very much as I remember it from elementary school ... except that perhaps the ball seems a wee bit smaller than it did back then. You still have to kick the ball, on the ground preferably. You still have to run the bases. You still have to catch the ball. And you still have to dodge the ball. The game is still a blast.

So we had our second practice last night (the first that I could make). While not all of our players were present, twelve of us were. We practiced throwing, catching, and kicking. Then we played a 6-on-6 scrimmage game. I have to say that, based on what I saw last night, we've got a pretty good team. Our defense is pretty darned good, if I do say so myself ... and I did. Our offense, however, needs some work. We kick way too many fly balls and we aren't thinking strategically. But we've planned a few more practices before the first game of the season to iron out the wrinkles and work out the kinks.

So far this year, I'm making good decisions. This is yet another. And I'm glad I decided to do this.

Do I sense a recurring kickball recap coming?

Sorry ...

... no blogging today or tomorrow. It's just too nice outside. Catch you on Monday, peeps!

Of Life And Limbs

I told you that I would be opening up more and I am.

I don't like limbs. I don't like being out there on them. I made a decision recently (i.e. within the past six months) that I would no longer allow myself to be left on one by myself.

Limbs are flimsy. Limbs are uncertain. Limbs can break. And you know what's there to stop you when they do? Nothing. What you get is lacerated by the other limbs as gravity takes control. Not fun. Not at all.

And so I won't do it. I won't be the only one to climb out there. I won't be the only one to be left out there. I've done it more times in my life than I care to count ... the one to stick his neck out professionally for a "friend", the one to be in a place personally when other parties are not, the one to volunteer out of some perverse sense of duty and fairness.

I won't be that person any more.

Let me ask you, my faithful readers (and recent folk) ... how many times in your life have you been left out on a limb either because you crawled out there of your own accord, crawled out there because you thought you would be accompanied, or left out there because everyone else crawled back to the trunk? Please share with the class. You may do so anonymously, if you so wish. Inquiring minds want to know.

Some Personal Dumping

You asked for it. (Okay, you didn't ask for it. But you didn't say "no" in a previous post, so that's an implicit "yes".)

I've learned through the power of the Internet that life is moving on. In the not-so-distant past, this would have been cause to drop me into a deep depression. But, in all honesty, I am happy. People deserve to be happy, and people deserve to be with people who love them and treat them the way they should be treated. If you're reading this and you recognize who you are, know that I love you and that I truly am happy. No comments, please.

As for me, I have started seeing someone. It's the first time in ... many years ... that I've waded into the wild world of dating. We have applied no labels, we are not exclusive, and I have no idea where ... if anywhere ... it will go. But it's a good place to be. I am content in where I am in life right now. I am happy with the people in it. And I am not anticipating or deciphering where it may lead from here. It is what it is and it will go where it goes.

I'd be a liar if I said that at times I didn't wish for more in my life. I do. My brain, my analytical side, wants to take me down dark alleys I don't particularly want to go. But I remind myself ... or I call on people I trust to call me back ... that life is good where it is and that it's where it should be. I've been there. I've lived there. In those dark places. And it's not a pleasant place to be. I'm just thankful that I have people to talk me back.

Being happy for friends and being happy for self is all anyone could want in life, right? If so, my life is golden right now.

And that is a truth I can smile with.