08 September 2010

This One's For The Ladies (Or "How To Behave In Public")

As my most faithful readers know, I am the host/KJ (karaoke jockey) of a popular long-running karaoke at a certain D.C. bar. Above all else, we strive to be the most inclusive, relaxing, laid-back karaoke in the city. We want to be the place you go on Wednesday nights to kick back and enjoy a night out with your friends.

Achieving this goal requires some level of effort on the parts of both the staff and the patrons. And, for the most part, we succeed in reaching that perfect balance. But lately that balance has been threatened. And it's by you, ladies. I understand that you, especially those of you who are under the age of 28, are accustomed to a certain way of things. But this is the adult world and things don't work the same as when you were partying out in your sorority house. So I'm going to help you with some pointers of how to behave the next time you come to my weekly shindig.

  1. Tip your bartenders. I could appeal to your sense of sympathy for your struggling fellow man by reminding you that bartenders make their living from tips, but you know this already and appear to be unfazed. So I'll put it another way to you ... bartenders pour stronger drinks for people to tip well. Plus, they'll be a bit more inclined to put up with the drunken mess you'll become within the hour.
  2. Practice a little patience. You aren't the only person in the song queue. Every one of the people in line ahead of you have been waiting patiently for their turn to sing. You may be used to getting what you want when you want it but, believe me, that won't last forever. And the sooner you learn that, the better off you'll be.
  3. Realize that you're amongst adults now. Perhaps shrieking loudly, swinging on the load-bearing pole, and cackling maniacally is normal for a sorority or fraternity house. Please note that this is not a sorority or fraternity house. This is a bar. Full of adults. Who don't much appreciate the immature behavior. Please show a bit more maturity and dignity within these walls by keeping the shrieking to a minimum.
  4. Understand that it takes a bit of courage to sing on stage. Yes, even if you're drunk. Show some respect to those who are singing. (See pointer #3.)
  5. Every night has an end. Our show officially ends at 1:30 AM. Your private show should end before you get overly intoxicated. Because, trust me, once you've gone beyond the point of "drunk" into "sloppy drunk", you will ignore every single one of these pointers.
I want you to be there. I want you to enjoy yourselves. However, as Iron-Fisted Dictator&trade, I have to keep everyone's fun and enjoyment in mind. That includes the staff as well as the patrons. Please help me make every Wednesday night the most-enjoyable, drama-free night of the week. We have the best karaoke and the best patrons in the entire metro area ... let's all try to keep it that way, hmm?

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