So You Want To Be A Capitals Fan

I've noticed a trend now that the 2010 Winter Olympics are over and we have a few games under our belt. I'm guessing that the hockey games during The Games has turned a bunch of people on to the sport that probably had never given it a first thought before. And that's fine. Hockey is an exciting game and one of the most accessible. The more the merrier.

However.

If you are going to attend a game (which you should ... hockey is best witnessed live), there are some things you need to know.

The General Must-Follows

These rules are universal. They are the most basic of the basics and are followed in every hockey rink all over the world. If you walk away with learning only five things from this post, learn these five!

1. You don't have to know the rules to have a good time.
   
   It's true. There will be enough hard-core fans sitting immediately around you. Don't be afraid to ask what's going on. Trust me, we love to talk about the game and help new fans get acclimated.


2. Practice the "Puck In Play" rule.
   
   The "Puck In Play" rule is simple ... when the game is on, you stay put. It doesn't matter where you are or what you need to do. You can wait until a break in the action. See, hockey is a fast-paced game and, very literally, you can blink and miss an important play (like a goal). So every second that the puck is in play is important to hockey fans. We do not take kindly to the asshole who made us miss our favorite player score on our most hated team. You don't want to be that asshole so don't be.


3. Sit back in your seat!
   
   This goes in hand with the "Puck In Play" rule. When you lean forward in your seat, you take away a large amount of visual real estate. Sit back in your seat so the people behind you can see the whole ice as well.
   
   But, Diarist, the people in front of me are leaning forward.
   
   The tap them politely on the shoulder and ask them to sit back. If they hit you with the same lame excuse, tell them to tell the people in front of them to sit back. And so on. We all want to see the game so please let us.


4. Keep the chatter to a minimum.
   
   You are permitted to cheer as much and as enthusiastically as you wish. You are permitted to discuss the rules of the game or the strategies being used. But blathering on and on about work or personal life is irritating and prevents those around you from enjoying the game. If you wish to catch up with your buddies and discuss how that chick (or guy) the other week gave you crabs, please don't come to the game. No one wants to hear that.


5. Know your limit.
   
   Alcohol is served at the game during the first two periods. You are more than welcome to have some beers or cocktails. But know when to say when.
   

The Capitals Optionals

The next set of rules are specific to the Washington Capitals experience at Verizon Center.

1. Properly enjoy The National Anthem.
   
   It happens at the start of every game. Sometimes the Canadian National Anthem is performed as well. When the anthem(s) start, stand up. You are encouraged to sing, though it's not mandatory. Many people in the crowd will shout RED at "And the rockets RED glare ...". It is okay to do that. Some people will shout O at "Oh say does that ...". It is not okay to do that. The O is a Baltimore tradition that was begun at (and for) Oriole games. We are not Baltimore. We are not the Orioles.


2. DO NOT encourage this guy!
   
   
   I have my reasons.


3. Participate in the group stuff.
   
   Several videos are played during the commercial breaks. Know them and be prepared.
   
   * Unleash The Fury!
   * Victory!
   * "The Hockey Song"
   
   Several chants are done during the course of the game.
   
   * "Ref, you suck!"
   When the refs make a highly questionable call against our team.
   
   * "1 ... (2) ... (etc.) ... It's all your fault!"
   After the Capitals score, immediately following the second announcement of the goal.
   
   * "Who cares?!"
   After the Capitals are scored against, immediately following the second announcement of the goal.
   
   * "Let's go, Caps!"
   Throughout the game, but especially after Horn Guy or Goat leads the cheer. (See my rant against the Capstronaut.)
   

Of course there will be a great many other rules and traditions that will come and go. But these will get you started (and keep you from pissing off the fans who have been going for ever). Follow these rules. And enjoy the game.

Let's go, Caps!

Building A Better Bridge (System)

In case you weren't aware, The District highway system is missing a key element -- a direct connection between I-295 and I-395. This lapse in planning has caused many years of traffic-clogged pain to the residents of Wards 6 and 8 as Maryland and Virginia commuters spill over into the neighborhoods in a bid to maneuver around the congestion to get from home to work to home again. Well, my faithful readers, all of that is about to change. DDOT has begun work to build a new 11th Street Bridge system that will right many of the previous wrongs. Jacqueline Dupree of JDLand has more information here on the new bridges being built. I also ran across the following informational video on Barry Farm (Re)mixed) (via DC Metrocentric).



But, Diarist, this is your back yard, this project has been on the books for a while, and work started a couple months ago. Yet you're just now talking about it. What gives?

I feel a bit mixed about this project, to be honest.

Now don't get me wrong ... the current bridge system is a major disservice to the good people of Anacostia. It cuts our direct access to I-295. It separates the foot traffic from our neighborhood to the city west of the river. And, as I stated above, it floods our neighborhoods with commuter traffic. The new bridge system will rectify those shortcomings, in addition to providing for the new streetcar system that The District is also currently work on.

But the new bridge system will take away the direct access to I-395 which we now enjoy. I know this is a minor quibble, but it is an important one, especially for those of us in Anacostia and her sister neighborhoods who work in The Commonwealth. Instead, we will have to do a little neighborhood congesting of our own. And while my logical side agrees that this is a far better solution to the problem, my emotional side is all in a tizzy that I will be inconvenienced a few extra minutes every commute to Virginia.

All that said, I'm glad to see this project finally started. Git 'er dun!

Snowpocalypse, Snowmageddon, Snowverkill, Snowverit ...

... whatever you want to call it, I think we've reached our limit here in the District of Columbia and surrounding regions. Since I have been basically snowed out of work and am running out of work things to work on (along with the majority of the peeps here), I thought I'd pass some time with some comical (at least in my opinion) takes on our winter weather this year.

Yes, Carol Anne, that is snow in your television set! Bum bum BU-U-U-U-U-UM!

Who's your Winter 2010 Daddy? That's right.

When do you know it's simply too much snow? This is how.

Politicians And Numbers

In an unprecedented moment of honesty, House Speaker Nancy Pelosi tells reporters how many votes in the House she has in support of the Obamacare bill and says that the Senate needs to fix it.

Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid was reported as replying, "I have a vote for Speaker Pelosi right here." Regrettably, the accompanying picture could not be published.

(Picture taken from this news story.)

What Is A "Superfan"?

This guy is a Superfan. This guy is a Superfan. This gal is a Superfan.

But this guy is not.

I'm not alone in this belief. Many people think that Spaceman (because I refuse to assign him any name that refers to the team) is nothing more than an attention-grubbing idiot. Some people disagree. And I suppose it is their right to do so.

But they're wrong.

What sets Spaceman apart from Horn Guy, Goat, and Screaming Mimi is that his shtick has absolutely nothing to do with the Washington Capitals. In fact, until The Washington Post did that little blurb on him, there was nothing Caps related to him. Now his Post-appointed name adorns the back of his space suit. Thanks, Steinberg. Additionally, the Superfans are Superfans because they are in the forefront of audience participation during the games. They scream louder. They lead chants. They rile the crowd up.

Spaceman? He stands and pantomimes life in space.

Exciting, huh?

Don't get me wrong. I like that the Verizon Center is full during Caps games. I love that people are so excited about this team that they can't contain it. I think it's fantastic to see this once-sleepy-non-hockey town turn into a place where no one wants to come play. Verizon Center rocks at home Caps games the way that RFK Stadium used to rock at home Redskins games. Yes, faithful readers, it's like that now.

But I don't see the point in putting on a Halloween costume that has nothing to do with the team and suddenly declare yourself a Superfan. You want to play dress up? Fine. Get yourself one of these, one of these, one of these, and/or one of these and alter it to fit the associated player. Until then, sit down and take that stupid helmet off.

In Today's News

The United States has a new nation's capital ... of capitalism: David Frum opines on how the financial power of the world's greatest country has shifted from New York to the District.

But as Washington gains, the country loses. It loses something more than its ideals of free enterprise and private ownership. It loses the very American idea of a capital as a specialized locale to which specific tasks are delegated -- not an American Versailles where favors are distributed and attendance is mandatory.

While I agree that the federal government should never be in the business of business, Mr. Frum is a fool to imply that, at least over the past century, it hasn't been the ultimate decision-maker of financial dealings in this country. That the rest of the free-market movers and shakers have finally discovered this was bound to happen.

District metered parking will cost you $2 an hour ... or not: The city is looking at implementing a performance-based parking system.

The District is raising rates at most of the city's 17,000 meters to $2 an hour, expanding enforcement until 10 p.m. in eight "premium demand zones" and enforcing meter parking on Saturdays. The changes are expected to generate up to $7 million a year in additional revenue for the cash-strapped city.

The DDOT may succeed in changing people's commuting behavior. It just might not be the change for which they were hoping. I suspect that we'll start seeing this practiced more.

Washington Capitals to the rest of the Southeast Division - "Who's your daddy?": My Caps are 9-1 against its Southeast rivals, holding a 16 point lead over the second-place Tampa Bay Lightning (who they've defeated 12 straight times). Additionally, they're only 3 points off the lead in the Eastern Conference and 6 points off the lead in the league. With 38 games remaining in the season and with the return of several key members from injured reserve, expect to see them climb the leader board as the season progresses. A run for the Stanley Cup isn't out of the question, so long as the solid defense they've been playing lately doesn't waver.

Paper Or Plastic?

As you may, or may not, know, the new year has seen a new tax levied on the people of Washington, D.C. The purpose of this new tax is noble enough (to clean up the Anacostia River) but it is completely misguided and in all likelihood, like all other monies raised by government, will not be used for its intended purpose.

First, let's clear some things up. As stated in the legislation, this new tax was imposed

[t]o protect the aquatic and environmental assets of the District of Columbia; to ban the use of disposable non-recyclable plastic carryout bags; to establish a fee on all other disposable carryout bags provided by grocery stores, drug stores, liquor stores, restaurants, and food vendors; to give the Mayor the authority to implement rules and procedures to collect the fee; to establish a non-lapsing recurring Anacostia River Cleanup and Protection Fund.

Got that? Non-recyclable plastic bags are now banned in the District. A new tax is levied on consumers. The mayor (and apparently, the mayor alone) enforces the rules on tax collection. And a "fund" is created to capture the monies raised by this new tax.

Second, this new tax will be carried out at retail establishments. What exactly is meant by "retail establishments", you ask? Well ...

"Retail Establishment" means any licensee under a Department of Consumer and Regulatory Affairs Basic Business License category Public Health: Food Establishment Retail (D.C. Official Code Sec. § 47-2851.03(10)(J)) license or under an Alcoholic Beverage Regulation Administration off-premises retailer’s license, class A or B.

In other words, you will be taxed at any place that sells food or alcohol. Grocery stores? Check. Liquor stores? Check. Big-box stores? Check. Movie rental stores? Check. Take-outs? Check. Convenience stores? Check. Even restaurants doggie bags are taxed. Do you see the enormity of this new tax?

And let's not forget that you're already being charged for these bags by the stores in the first place. So you're paying for these bags twice. And you get no refunds or price breaks for bringing your own bags.

Big whoop, Diarist. I'll just go to Maryland or Virginia for my shopping needs.

Not so fast there, bub.

Maryland and Virginia lawmakers say they will push for 5-cent fees on disposable paper and plastic bags at stores, after the District this month became the first major city in the nation to impose such a fee.

The reasoning behind this, like the District, is for purely environmental reasons. Maryland and Virginia, like the District, want to do better by Mother Earth and need the money to do so. All good and fine.

Except history has shown us that lawmakers rarely spend money for what it was originally set aside (see Medicare/Medicaid, road tolls, gas taxes, et cetera). And in this present economy I understand that governments are financially hurting, but the people are hurting more. Five cents (per bag) might not be a big deal to our council members yet it is a big deal to the residents in our poorer neighborhoods.

And, let's be totally candid about this. This will do nothing to improve the well-being of the Anacostia River. I suppose that it is within the realm of reason that the District will actually spend all of the money raised by this new tax on cleaning up the Eastern Branch. But the Anacostia doesn't reside solely in the District ... its origins are in Montgomery and Price Georges Counties, Maryland. Good luck trying to get all of those various jurisdictions to play nice. Even if D.C. gets its act together and does its part, it will still have to continually clean up Maryland's mess as it floats downstream. Not to mention all of the creeks, wetlands, parks, sewer drains, and so forth that feed and support the Anacostia

Make no mistake. This is an impossible fight on which the city is embarking. It will take more than just money to fix ... it will take a total attitude adjustment of the people. And a new tax ain't the solution to that problem.

Sports Happenings

I know I'm a bit behind on the chatter here but I wanted to share my thoughts on these stories.

1. Washington Redskins - Some might think that the story is this, this, or maybe even this. Those people would be wrong. The real story is behind the scenes.
   
   Here's my take. Clinton Portis needs to go. Yes, there were seasons when he almost literally carried this team on his back. But past performance doesn't give anyone a license to skate by, especially in the NFL. It certainly doesn't give you license to shoot your mouth off on a radio program. You have a problem with your coach? Talk to your coach about it behind closed doors. You have a problem with your teammates? Talk to your teammates in the locker room. Don't do it publicly. He has become a canker in the locker room and has lost the respect of many of the veteran players. He doesn't produce on the field. He doesn't inspire on the sideline. He doesn't lead in practice. Hell, he doesn't even show up to practice! Sorry, dude, but I think you're done. I'm hoping that one of Coach Shanahan's first moves is to trade Portis.
   
   
2. Washington Wizards - If there are two things I know about the next owner of this franchise, they are the following: he knows how to build a long-term winning team and he won't allow his players to embarrass his team. Odds are that this NBA off-season will see the Wizards go through a change like the Capitals did during the 2004 NHL season lockout ... he will make sure he has front office people who know basketball and they will blow this team up and start building toward a team that will be perennial playoff contenders. Quite frankly, for as much pain as that will bring in the immediate future, it will be the best thing to happen to Wizard fans since they last won the NBA title. Trust me on this, because it leads me to ...
   
   
3. Washington Capitals - I love my Caps. And I love Ted Leonsis. This is an owner who gets it. He respects his fans. He respects the tradition of hockey. And he respects his players. He is every bit as passionate about bringing the championship title to DC as a certain other major league team owner; but, unlike said other owner, he knows what is necessary and required of him to accomplish that. But that's not what I wanted to say about my Caps. What I wanted to say was that, seven days after trading their team captain to the Columbus Blue Jackets, the team finally decided on a new captain. I was too in shock last night to appreciate the choice. But after having some time to sleep on it, I think it was the right one. Firstly, Ovechkin is going to be here for a very long time, quite possibly for his entire career. Secondly, he has been a leader and always gives his all on the ice. Thirdly, well, there's this ...
   

   "I had talked to a lot of [players] the last couple of days and they said Alex is the only choice," [Coach Bruce] Boudreau said. "He's our leader, he's our guy. What shows he was ready was when I talked to him two or three days ago, he said he would accept the responsibility but 'only if my teammates want it.' He was already thinking about the team instead of himself, which is what captains do."

   Congratulations, Ovie, on the captaincy. And congratulations, Caps, for getting a quality captain.

A New Year - A New Start

Looking over my posts from the previous year, I've noticed that I didn't post a lot of much substance. So one of my resolutions for this year is to get back to that - being more active on my blog and making substantive posts about what's going on, both in this fair city of ours and in my own personal life. You'll see me rant more about our city government. You'll see me talk about our professional sports teams. You'll see me review television shows and movies I've seen. You'll see me ... well, I think you get the idea.

But I'd like a resolution from you, my faithful (and also perhaps new) readers, as well. I'd like you to resolve to make this blog more of a conversation. I am just as interested in what you have to say as you are in what I have to say. Don't be afraid to comment. We can have a back and forth on things, you and I and even amongst yourselves. One of the things I've always wanted for this site was for it to be like a cyber-water cooler.

So what do you say? Wanna haffa go at it?

New Years Is Coming ...

... so chill out, man. Bring on 2010!

Merry Christmas!

Today is Christmas Eve, which means tomorrow is Christmas Day. I want to focus more on the message of the day than on the day itself because I know that not all of my readers (and most definitely not all of my non-readers) are Christian and not all celebrate Christmas.

So in that light, I wish you all peace and joy and love. Enjoy this time of year and remember to share the love with friends, family, and even strangers.

My final gift to you is a song that I loved as a child. It brings back memories of everything that is right with Christmas.

Merry Christmas, one and all!

A Christmas Shout Out To My "Old Line State" Peeps

I was born in our nation's capital but I was raised in Southern Maryland. In case you didn't know, Maryland is famous for its blue crabs. And what's the first thing you think of when you think of Maryland blue crabs? That's right ... CHRISTMAS!!!

No, seriously.

Penned and recorded by David DeBoy in the summer of 1981, "Crabs For Christmas" is the story of a department store Santa in Houston, TX who is accosted by a Baltimore man. Now this poor man is so very far away from home and wants nothing more than a pile of steamed crabs and a beer for Christmas.

Touching story, no?

Alright, so it's not the Nativity Story. But it's a funny, catchy tune and probably the only Maryland-themed Christmas song out there. And as someone who grew up where the blue crab is king, this song brings a smile to my face and a warmth to my heart. I hope you enjoy it every bit as much as I do and that it finds its way into your regular Christmas music rotation.

Oh! And if you'd like to purchase your very own copy, you can find the CD on David DeBoy's website. (Sorry, folks. There isn't a purchasable digital download of the song.)

More Christmas Music Recommendations

A couple years ago, I listed a countdown of my most and least favorite Christmas tunes. You can find a roundup of my Top Five lists here. With Christmas soon upon us, I've decided that I should offer you some more holiday music to enjoy.

• I'm a big fan of Harry Connick, Jr. He's released a few Christmas albums during his career. My favorite of these is When My Heart Finds Christmas. The album recalls some of the great Christmas songs that were recorded during the 1940's and early 1950's by the likes of Frank Sinatra and Ella Fitzgerald. While it was difficult to single one song out, I have been able to do so. His rendition of "The Blessed Dawn Of Christmas Day" is one of the most emotionally delivered songs I've heard.
  
  
  
  
• Bob Dylan is not a singer. What he is is one of the greatest songwriters to have ever lived. He has penned some of the most iconic American music you'll hear. But he is not a singer. That is what makes his album Christmas In The Heart such a disappointment. The album is too richly produced for his weatherd, ragged voice to stand up to. It sounds like a Traveling Wilburys album without the benefit of having the other Wilburys present to record, which wouldn't be completely possible anyway. Still, there is a pearl amongst these swine, the playful romp "Must Be Santa". Writen in the style of "The International Friendship Song", this tune takes off in pure polka style and doesn't stop until the end (as all songs should, I suppose). I defy you to listen to this without wanting to sing along.
  
  
  
  
• Originally released exclusively at Hallmark stores as A Christmas Album and re-released as James Taylor At Christmas, this is yet another album that should be in your Christmas music collection. Like the Harry Connick, Jr. album, it was difficult to pick one song out of so many. But I've settled on "Baby It’s Cold Outside", a duet that pairs James with Natalie Cole. The samba shuffle gives a cozy feel that enhances the playful back-and-forth between James and Natalie. The chemistry between the two singers feels real … you can tell these two had a blast working on this song together.
  
  

A Continuation Of The Discussion

This past Tuesday, the D.C. City Council passed the bill to legalize same-sex marriage in the District. It is the first of three final hurtles to jump before homosexuals can marry in the Nation's Capital. Today, The Washington Post posted an article that explains how some black residents, especially those who lived through and fought during the Civil Right Movement of the 1960's, are none too happy that this struggle is being compared to that struggle. It's something I've heard many times before, from blacks and whites alike. But in this article, one piece jumped out at me like a neon green dot on a grey wall.

"You can choose to be gay or not," Marshall Brown said. "You can never choose to be black or not."

Not so, his son said. "People are born that way," Kwame Brown said. "That could be a generational difference between the way he thinks and the way I think."

"That's a fair argument," the father said when told of his son's view about sexual orientation. But the elder Brown wasn't about to equate gay rights with the civil rights movement.

I'm glad that the Elder Brown can see the merits of the "people are born that way" argument. It was his next statement that gave me pause.

Homosexuals, he said, "can hide it so easily, but we can't hide that we're black."

So here are the big questions that beg to be asked:

• If blacks could have hidden easily their blackness ... that is, if they could have used a cream or other such ways to hide the color of their skin ... would they have settled with the laws of the days before the Civil Rights Movement?
• Would the lighter-skinned among them have sold out those of their brethren who were to the extremes of the color human spectrum in order to just fit in and work with the system that existed at that time?
• Would they have simply accepted their situation or would they have still fought to make things better, equal, and more perfect?

I think I already know the answer. Which makes their arguments all the more ridiculous.

To Appease The Masses (And Just To Post Something)

I know. My last post was almost a month ago. I haven't had anything to say. So, in the spirit of keeping this blog alive and because I laugh every time I see it, here is my favorite commercial of the year. Enjoy!

It's Halloween, People!

I saw a news segment on CNN on Saturday that made my brain hurt. It seems that there are some people out there who are none too happy with a certain Halloween costume.

Immigrant rights activists are calling on U.S. retailers to stop selling two controversial "Illegal Alien" costumes that have surfaced for Halloween, saying the outfits are a broadside attack on illegal immigrants.

The "Illegal Alien Adult Costume," manufactured by Forum novelties, includes an orange jumpsuit, similar to prison garb, with "Illegal Alien" stamped in black across the chest; a space alien mask; and a fake Green Card. The "Illegal Alien Mask with Hat" also includes a space alien mask, this time with a dark handlebar mustache and a baseball cap.

Now, I happen to slightly agree with their position on the mask with the mustache. That one is pretty blatant and I can understand the outrage. But an alien in a jumpsuit and a fake green card? Come on, people! Lighten up! That's funny stuff! Have people forgotten about a certain movie and its sequel that deal with aliens that illegally reside here? That was the first thing I thought of when I saw that costume. That the first place some people go is instantly insulted is simply sad.

This outrage has caused some of our retailers to pull the costume from their stores. And I think that's a shame. So I'm supplying you with links on where you can purchase your very own illegal alien Halloween costume.

And, because this has stuck in my craw so deeply, I'm giving you an added bonus today ... a music video!

Bad Blogger! Bad, Bad Blogger!

Yes, I know. I've let this site sit stagnant and cobwebby for roughly a month. I wish I had a good excuse, but I don't ... I've been a victim of the daily grind of life. In my absence, I have missed posting about a great many happenings in the world, a couple of which I want to comment on quickly.

First is the recent death of wrestling icon and music video regular Captain Lou Albano. World Wrestling Federation (WWF) (later to become World Wrestling Entertainment (WWE) due to a lawsuit from the World Wildlife Fund) was just coming into its own in the late 70's to mid 80's. They were on TV every weekend. They were appearing in music videos. Why, the wrestling stars of that day even had their own Saturday morning cartoon. And Captain Lou was right in the middle of it all. It's trendy to mock or even criticize wrestling today for its over-the-top antics and its violence. But while the current level of "realism" didn't exist back then, the over-the-top antics and personalities most certainly did. And back then, it was good clean fun. Captain Lou, along with all of the other wrestling stars of those days, will always be a part of me because he was a fairly big part of my childhood.

The other thing I'd like to comment on, and would have done on Random Music Tuesday if I had had the time, is the 30th anniversary of the Fleetwood Mac album Tusk. The album had been compared to The Beatles (a.k.a., The White Album) due to the experimentation of the band and that it was a double album. I suppose it's up to us, the listeners, to decide if it is a good album or not but one cannot deny the power of the title track. How many other Top 10 hits can you name that makes use of a college marching band?

And with that, I would be remiss if I didn't give you something from the album to listen to. So, without further ado, here is "Tusk".

Fleetwood Mac - Tusk
by jpdc11

Home Movies

This is by far one of my most favorite commercials of all time. Wouldn't you agree, Tuffie?

Random Music Tuesday: "She Wolf" by Shakira

Releasing her third English album and her sixth album overall, Shakira has completely transformed herself from a gritty girl rocker to a sultry dance-pop sex kitten. To quote the artist, this song is about "a more animalistic side of you, a more primitive side … an animal person in a way, So when you understand these things you forgive yourself every time you screw up, you say, It wasn’t me, that was the she wolf … that was the animal in me, that wasn’t me, I have nothing to do with that".

Um, okay.

So it doesn't really matter what the song is about. What matters is the music. And the music is quite catchy. If you haven't heard it, here it is. Take a quick listen.

Shakira - New Music - More Music Videos

My only beef with the song, and the one part that cracks me up inside, is that pathetic excuse for a howl in the chorus. Really, Shakira? You're a friggin' she wolf. Let it out! Let it out! Let it out! If you don't know how to, take the following ... the textbook, the master, the one any future howlists should try to emulate.


Warren Zevon - Werewolves of London

R.I.P., Patrick Swayze

Patrick Swayze died tonight of pancreatic cancer.

I may get some ribbing for this, but I liked Patrick Swayze. He was one of those actors who showed equal parts strength and vulnerability. I think he was one of the more underrated actors because he happened to get typecast after "Dirty Dancing" and "Ghost". But just read the reviews of Swayze's performance in "The Beast" and you'll see that he wasn't just a romantic lead. In fact, he never took himself too seriously. Which leads me to one of my most favorite Patrick Swayze moments ... one that involved a certain TV show, a certain physical comedy actor, and a certain night club.

Patrick Swayze - Chippendale

Vaya con Dios, Mr. Swayze.

Dear Washington Capitals

Thank you for my 2009-2010 Season Tickets. They came in on Thursday and I am ecstatic to have them! I remember when my 2008-2009 Season Tickets came in. They arrived via UPS in one of their plastic envelopes; inside were the tickets, a letter from you thanking me for being a fan, and a wonderfully useful shoulder bag (perfect for a sleep-over or a jaunt through the city.

This year's tickets, as you know, came in a large UPS box. The box had a good deal of heft on it. Then I opened the box and found within it another box. And it pretty box it was too!


I was so excited to receive this box! Whatever could be inside? A keepsake ornament? A metal box in which to keep this year's tickets? A t-shirt? I opened the box and found ... a piece of filler paper and this ...


No keepsake ornament. No metal box in which to keep this year's tickets. No t-shirt. Just the filler paper, the letter, the guide, and the tickets.

Now, I'm not the most environmentally conscious person on the planet, but even I can see what a waste this packaging was. Why did you send such small items in such a large box? That doesn't make any sense, especially not from an organization that has lately been priding itself with its lack of waste.

Why, Washington Capitals? Why?!

If you read this (and I know you don't) and if you'll take my advice (which I know you won't), PLEASE do not do this again in the future. For one, it's extremely wasteful. For two, after raising the expectations of the season ticket buyer who has received the package, it's a big disappointment to your fans.

Thanks,
The Diarist

This Infamous Day

Today is the eleventh of September. You probably already knew that, unless of course you live life without calendars or are so far removed from civilization that time holds no meaning to you. This day will be filled with tributes on the television, over the radio, and across the Internet to those who fell in those terrorist attacks in New York City, Arlington/DC, and Stonycreek Township.

Last year, I wrote a remembrance to that horrible day eight years ago. I had written a tribute every year and I honestly thought about skipping a tribute this year. I couldn't see the point of rehashing and reliving that day. I couldn't find a reason for posting something. Besides, I couldn't think of anything more to add to what I've already said.

Except this.

Time has a nasty habit of dimming the memory, of easing the sense of urgency, of numbing the pain. With each year that passes, I fear that we lose the harsh, cruel lessons we learned on that day.

And for that reason I post this. That day is as real to me now as it was then. I haven't forgotten. I hope you never do either.

Random Music Tuesdays: "My Maria" by Brooks & Dunn

One of the longest running and biggest country music acts in the business is ending. Brooks & Dunn has decided that after twenty years of sweet music it is time to break up the band.

"This ride has been everything and more than we could ever have dreamed ... We owe it all to you, the fans," Kix Brooks and Ronnie Dunn said in the message. "If you hear rumors, don't believe them, it's just time."

While not a big fan myself, I do appreciate when musicians can play together and stay on top of their game for as long as these two men have. And so, in honor of such a long and illustrious career, I offer you one of their biggest hits.

Enjoy!

My Maria - Brooks & Dunn

More On Texting While Driving

Remember this? Apparently, the states cannot be trusted to make what laws they feel are best for their people ... thus this.

Random Music Tuesdays: "Common People" by William Shatner

Wait, Diarist. William Shatner?!

Yes. William Shatner.

Now I know this flies in the face of all that is good and wholesome in music. I know that Shatner is known more for the cadence of his delivery than for his singing chops. (Don't believe me? This live performance is infamous!) The absolute failure of his first music album should all but ensure that his name should never, ever grace anyone's music list.

Yet here is is. This week's Random Music Tuesdays choice for your listening pleasure. And he would never be here were it not for the saving grace, musical genius, and production skills of one auditory visionary who saw the potential in Shatner that none other in the universe could see.

And for that, Mr. Folds, I thank and salute you.

Because Has Been has got to be one of the best albums you've never heard or owned. (And if you have heard it and/or own it, you'll no doubt agree with me whole-heartedly.)

This isn't a review of the album. (Mostly because, if it were, it would be about five years late.) No, I believe that this album can speak for itself. There is so much heart, so much emotion, so much raw power in it to be ignored. And, like the Borg, resistance to it is futile.

I know you're still skeptical. That's why I've brought this offering. The opening track is such good fun ... and the vocals are so emotively powerful ... that all of your skepticism will be swept away. So listen to the track. Then buy yourself a copy and see what you've been missing these past five years.

Nassif Building Returns to Life

Well, it isn't the Nassif Building anymore. Now it's called the Constitution Center. And it's much prettier with this facelift.

Before ...



After ...



Now all they need is a tenant.

The New "Drinking And Driving"

A recent study has shown that texting while driving is not one of the best ideas.

After examining the behavior of truck drivers covering more than 6 million miles of road, the Virginia Tech Transportation Institute concluded that people who send text messages while driving are 23 times more likely to be in a crash (or what they call a near-crash event) than nondistracted drivers.

I have been guilty of texting while driving, though lately I've been severely curtailing my texting time to red lights. But even that is not a good idea, since fourteen states plus the District of Columbia have banned texting behind the wheel.

The message in all of this? Don't use your cell phone while driving unless it's an absolute emergency.

Too Soon?

My answer, in a word, is YES! People, there's a reason parks, monuments, airports, et cetera are named after people after history has borne out that person's worthiness of such an honor. It's so that we don't look back in embarrassment on an emotional mistake. I strongly urge my city council to postpone this proposal at least until the man is out of office.

Random Music Tuesdays: "Somnambulist (Simply Being Loved)" by BT

This week's featured song is by another hometown star, BT, who hails from Rockville, MD. It's probably his most famous song and holds the Guinness Book of World Records in 2003 for the largest number of vocal edits in a song . Plus it's catchy. So enjoy!

Somnambulist (Simply Being Loved) - BT

Random Music Tuesday: Michael Jackson

Today, in case you didn't know, was the final send-off for Michael Jackson. In honor of one of the world's greatest entertainers ever (and because I've already said my peace), I offer not a song from the man but something marginally better. Because while imitation may be the greatest form of flattery, spoofing is the greatest form of honoring.

"Weird Al" Yankovic - Fat

Busted ... Yet Again - UPDATED

It seems these days, my councilmember has been spending more time fighting for his freedom than he has been fighting for the benefit of the Ward he was elected to represent. I guess he simply has too much time on his hands ... and we all know what they say about idle hands.

Seriously, Ward 8, can we finally say enough is enough and elect someone who actually bring some positive attention to our neighborhoods instead of appearing in mug shots? Is there any way we can forcibly remove him from office? I know the man created the District Youth’s Employment Act of 1979 (a.k.a. "the summer youth work program"), which gave a great number of District residents their first job and important first steps toward a brighter future; but he's been riding that PR gravy train for thirty years. He has done nothing over the past twenty years but make our city (and our Ward) a punchline. He is an embarrassment and a distraction. He has to simply go away.

We need and deserve better than this.

UPDATE - 13:17: Right on cue, we have dueling stories. one version came from one of the horses' mouths. The alternate story came from the other horses' attorney's mouth.

The Stella Awards

I got an email today from a friend about this year's Stella Awards. I found the email so funny that I was going to post it on here. Unfortunately, while quite humorous, the list was totally bogus. So I found the real site with the real awards. And now, here for your ready pleasure, are the latest (2007) Stella Awards Runners-Up and Winner. (And, believe me, you'll love the winner since he's a hometown boy.)

The TRUE Stella Awards -- 2007 Winners
by Randy Cassingham
Issued February 2008

Unlike the FAKE cases that have been highly circulated online for the last several years (see http://www.StellaAwards.com/bogus.html for details), the following cases have been researched from public sources and are confirmed TRUE by the ONLY legitimate source for the Stella Awards: http://www.StellaAwards.com. To confirm this copy is legitimate, see http://www.StellaAwards.com/2007.html.

-v-

2007 Runners-Up and Winner:

#3: Sentry Insurance Company.

The company provided worker's compensation insurance for a Wisconsin "Meals on Wheels" program. Delivering a meal, a MoW volunteer (who was allegedly not even wearing boots) slipped and fell on a participant's driveway that had been cleared of snow, and Sentry had to pay to care for her resulting injuries. Sentry wanted its money back, so it sued the 81-year-old homeowner getting the Meals on Wheels service. It could have simply filed for "subrogation" from her homeowner's insurance company, but by naming her in the action, it dragged an old lady into court, reinforcing the image of insurance companies as concerned only about the bottom line, not "protecting" policyholders from loss.

#2: The family of Robert Hornbeck.

Hornbeck volunteered for the Army and served a stint in Iraq. After getting home, he got drunk, wandered into a hotel's service area (passing "DANGER" warning signs), crawled into an air conditioning unit, and was severely cut when the machinery activated. Unable to care for himself due to his drunkenness, he bled to death. A tragedy, to be sure, but one solely caused by a supposedly responsible adult with military training. Despite his irresponsible behavior -- and his perhaps criminal trespassing -- Hornbeck's family sued the hotel for $10 million, as if it's reasonably foreseeable that some drunk fool would ignore warning signs and climb into its heavy duty machinery to sleep off his bender.

But those pale in comparison to...

THE WINNER of the 2007 Stella Award: Roy L. Pearson Jr.

The 57-year-old Administrative Law Judge from Washington DC claims that a dry cleaner lost a pair of his pants, so he sued the mom-and-pop business for $65,462,500. That's right: more than $65 million for one pair of pants. Representing himself, Judge Pearson cried in court over the loss of his pants, whining that there certainly isn't a more compelling case in the District archives. But the Superior Court judge wasn't moved: he called the case "vexatious litigation", scolded Judge Pearson for his "bad faith", and awarded damages to the dry cleaners. But Pearson didn't take no for an answer: he's appealing the decision. And he has plenty of time on his hands, since he was dismissed from his job. Last we heard, Pearson's appeal is still pending.

Copyright 2008 www.StellaAwards.com -- this message may be forwarded as long as it remains complete and unaltered.

Good Morning ... WTF?! (Explosion On Good Hope Road SE)

My condo building was evacuated around 07:00 this morning by D.C. Fire and Rescue. One of the units on my floor exploded. I have no word yet on the cause of the blast. Only the owner of the unit was injured; his injuries were not life-threatening. The rest of us are standing around outside, waiting on more details of what happened. I hope to have more later.






















-- Post From My iPhone


UPDATE - 08:43: Around 08:00, we were allowed back into the building. It appears that roach bombs were the cause of the explosion. Apparently, the unit owner wasn't home when the exterminator visited our building a bit ago and so still had roaches. The unit owner had one roach bomb in the bathroom and two in the kitchen (in cabinets). The fire investigator believes that the stove's pilot light ignited the chemicals from the roach bombs. I was with Regina (the condo board president), Vernon (our maintenance guy), and 7th District Police Officer Schramm when they went into the unit. I took a look around (from the outside of the unit) and listened to their conversation. And let me tell you, we were lucky. The unit owner has crap piled up all over the place, with a couple walkways between the piles of crap. There were paint cans under the dining room table. There were all sorts of chemicals in the kitchen (where the explosion apparently originated). If any of those other chemicals had exploded ... if any one piece of the crap in that unit had caught fire ... well, this would have been a vastly different post.

Oh. Yeah. And the roaches survived the whole ordeal.

UPDATE - 15:08: My photos are on WJLA's website.

UPDATE - 03:47: DCist links to the WJLA website, siting that WJLA was reporting the story ... which is true ... except that The District Diaries reported it first (and as it happened) then tipped off WJLA.

Oh. Yeah. And yes, IntangibleArts, the bugs are all OK. For now.

Random Music Tuesdays: "You're The Only One" by Maria Mena

Okay, technically this a love song ... or at least a song about romantic relationships. But that's not how I was introduced to it. And that's not the message I took away from it. This week's song is about finding that person who gets you in ways that no one else in the universe ever possibly could.

Maria Mena's song "You're The Only One", from her 2004 album Mellow, was written as a love song. But this song was brought to my attention by First Brain. And he's the first person I think of when I hear it. Because to me, this isn't a romantic love song but a platonic one ... a song for those lucky people who have that person (friend, love, whatever) in their life who simply gets them ... no explanations, no excuses, no editing.

First Brain, this week's song goes out to you. I hope life treats you well and that you accept the best that life offers you.

Youre The Only One - Maria Mena

Love ...

...

1. requires constant communication and reassurance to flourish, much like how a plant needs light and water to grow.
2. is alive and subject to the same rules as any other life on earth.
3. is universal.
4. should not be attached to strings but far-too-often is.
5. , along with Time, can heal any wound.
6. is painful and worth every moment of it.
7. stands by you even when it isn't easy to do so.

... is not ...

1. vacuumed sealed.
2. universally understood.
3. up for negotiation.
4. to be taken for granted.
5. static.
6. limited to one plain of being.
7. to be hoarded away like a life's saving because ...

... Love is best spent on others, and ...

... Love is what you bring into my life and I cherish it more than I can often express.

In Memoriam

I know yesterday saw the deaths of two icons. But, at heart, I'm a musician and an entertainer so I have my bias. You will forgive me that (because it's my blog).

Michael Jackson, in his later years, was a target of ridicule and law suits. Perhaps it was justified, perhaps it wasn't. For the record, I have made my fair share of pedophilia jokes. Even counting all of that, Michael Jackson rises amongst the highest firmament of entertainment stardom. His songwriting, his singing, and/or his dancing has inspired countless performers after him. And his album Thriller is the best selling album of all time ... ever ... in the entire world, if not universe. He knew how to write. He knew how to sing. He knew how to dance. If he could have fit acting and ending war in there, then we'd call him a god.

Yet he is a god. He climbed to heights of fame and fortune and popularity that many of us aspire, in some fashion or another. He was not just America's, like Elvis ... he was the world's. He could weather any storm and still be loved.

And his music.

MJ was a musical genius. His songwriting. His ability to capture a hook. The way he could manipulate you into empathizing with the message he was trying to put across.

And his showmanship, to include his dancing and stage presence. What? It's been ages since you've seen him perform? You're too young to remember? Well, sift through these videos and witness the man who has inspired so many entertainers you see today. When he danced, MJ defied the laws of physics. I remember the first time the world saw the "Moonwalk". There was a universal gasp, followed by "How the F*CK did he DO that?!"

He wasn't perfect. But then, who among us is. What he was was good at what he did. And what he did was bring some joy and some magic into our lives. And that, my faithful readers, is enough to take a moment and reflect on who we are and what we are doing to influence those around us.

I mourn the loss of another innovator. I mourn the loss of another musical genius. I mourn the loss of another entertainer who will inspire another generation to keep the arts alive. I know you mourn with me.

I will leave you with the first popular music video (or popular music anything) my father and I shared. I don't quite remember how old I was ... perhaps twelve or thirteen ... but I remember being up way too late on a school night. I remember sitting in the living room with my dad. Just the two of us. I remember MTV being on, which was a major oddity in my house. And I remember this video coming on. My dad said something along the lines of, "This guy's a bit of a fruit. And I don't like this song ... it's pretty demonic. But he can sure dance." And he and I watched the entire video. It was the first time that my parents implicitly let me enjoy secular music. It was the first time I was permitted to enjoy modern music openly that I had enjoyed privately with my oldest brother. It was the first time I was introduced to the music of Michael Jackson.

Enjoy!

Oh, The Possibilities Of An Epic Fail ...

... even more so than some other films he's helmed. Don't get me wrong, his first two films were pretty darned good. But then ... well ... imagine, if you will, a high cliff and a roadrunner and a coyote. 'Nuff said for how he's fared since then.

Still, while he may have written the screenplay for the movie, he's working from the story from the television series. As long as he is faithful to the source material and doesn't try to get all creative and shit, I think he'll be fine. Because this series was one of my most favorite of all time. Hell, I was even pleased with the series finale. (And those of you who really know me know that I'm typically disappointed with how people wrap things up.)

So, as my personal motto goes, I'm hoping for the best but expecting the worst from this.

Don't you !@#$%^& disappoint me, bi-atch!

(Click here to see what I'm all worked up about.)

Another Burton Masterpiece Coming Together

I'm a huge fan of Tim Burton, ever since he directed his first major motion picture lo so many years ago. His latest endeavor had been in the "next movie to be made" rumor mill ever since American McGee got his (deliciously) creepy hands on the material and fashioned a newer, darker story. Burton's newest baby seems to be coming along just nicely and I, for one, cannot wait until its release in 2010!

A Moment Of Silence

Our hearts go out to those in yesterday's MetroRail accident, especially the families of those whose lives were lost. It's a very rare occurrence in the D.C. area for anyone to die on the MetroRail system (not counting those idiots who try to kill themselves by purposefully jumping onto the tracks).

Yet, while this is sad and a tragedy, we would like to give throw our support behind Metro. With five rail lines and hundreds of bus lines carrying hundreds of thousands daily, it's a huge testament to the men and women who work for Metro that events like this don't occur more often. Ours is one of the safest (and cleanest) in the world.

Really, PETA? Really?

You know it's a slow day at the office when you can't find anything bigger to speak out against than the death of a fly. It's not like the thing would have survived the month even in the most perfect conditions.

Am I the only one who thinks PETA jumped the shark on this? (Oh, yes, that pun was totally intended.)

The Time Is Almost Nigh

Here we are, two more days a few short hours until the Blessed One smiles upon us fortunate few who have been deemed worthy for laying several hundred dollars at the Altar of Jobs. Upon hearing rumors that the All-Powerful Jobs would bless his chosen people with his goodness, I was excited. That was until I learned that I was not truly one of the chosen for I had not evolved enough.

Well, I am now appropriately evolved. And I am beside myself in anticipation of the glorious day! My only fear is that the line to the temple could be quite long, and I am not the patient disciple I once was.

Still, it is only once a year that our Most Benevolent One smiles upon us mortals. And so I shall wait for however long it takes the blessings to flow from Mount Macintosh to my humble symbol of devotion.

Praise be to Jobs and peace unto you.

Random Music Tuesdays: Album Review: "Rocket 88 - Tribute To Ike Turner" by Mr Groove Band

I believe this is a day of firsts for The District Diaries' Random Music Tuesdays. I believe this is the first time I've featured an artist more than once. This is also the first full album review I've done. Ever.

I was asked by a good friend to take a listen to Mr Groove Band's latest offering and to share my thoughts on the album. (I may be mistaken, but this might be the first outside review of the album. Yet another first? How cool is that?!) So I received my advance copy and have listened through it once or twice (or a dozen times).

As stated before, Mr Groove was featured in a Random Music post almost a year ago. The band has been working on a tribute album to Ike Turner and, based on the response to "Papa Was A Rolling Stone", asked vocalist Darryl Johnson to do the heavy vocal lifting. The album is complete and is now going to press.

The album is titled Rocket 88 - Tribute to Ike Turner and will be distributed by ZOHO Music, a New York based independent record label specializing in latin/jazz, blues, R&B, and classic/southern rock genres. The band consists of Tim Smith (bass), Roddy Smith (guitars), Tim Gordon (sax and woodwinds), Donnie Marshall (drums and percussion), Tony Creasman (drums and percussion), and Darryl Johnson (lead and background vocals). Guest performers are Audrey Turner, Bonnie Bramlett, Rick Jackson, Mark Stallings, Rob Ickes, and The Groovehouse Horns.

Now I have to admit that I'm not terribly familiar with Ike Turner's music. While I did recognize a couple tunes, most of the album was completely new to me. On the whole, the album works. The band has a great mix of dirty funk ("I Smell Trouble", "I Wanna Take You Higher", "Come Together"), smooth soul ("No More Doggin'", "Rock Me Baby", "Nutbush City Limits"), and rollicking R&B ("Rocket 88", "Taking Back My Name") ... sometimes all in the same song ("River Deep, Mountain High"). The band rocked out on such a fun instrumental piece ("Funky Mule") that I found myself getting lost in it with every hearing. It was also a touching nod to include a toe-tapping piece by the man-of-honor himself ("Prancing"). The band does a great job interpreting the songs in ways that made me experience feelings that I didn't anticipate. And Darryl's vocals capture the meaning beneath the words and the notes, oftentimes laying it right on your lap and daring you to turn away.

But not every song on the album worked for me. While funky in that 70's sort of way (and I'm a man who likes his 70's funk), I didn't quite get "Bold Soul Sister". I can't put my finger on why exactly but that's the way it is sometimes. And this incarnation of "Proud Mary" just didn't hit the spot for me, not even close. While I understand that you can't make a carbon copy of a famous tune, I don't think it's too much to ask that it's a bit more honest (and recognizable) to the original. It's in their attempt to stand apart from Tina's shadow that the band has their only great misfire.

Still, two not-so-good songs out of thirteen is pretty darn good. Darn good enough that you should pick yourself up a copy of Mr Groove Band's Rocket 88 - Tribute to Ike Turner when it's released on 11 August 2009. I think you'll enjoy it as much as I did.

Oh ... don't worry, my faithful readers; The Diarist got your hookup. You can get a taste of the album by listening to the selections below.

Fire Chief, Surprised By Ash, Proclaims Sky Is Falling

Thank the gods that we have a top fireman who is watching out for public safety. The last thing this city needs is an epic-disater-in-the-making.

D.C. Fire Chief Dennis L. Rubin yesterday ordered that all fireworks displays at Washington Nationals games be suspended until a safety review can be conducted, after fireworks debris landed on him as he watched a game, a department spokesman said today.

Rubin, who regularly attends Nationals games, was sitting in Section 130 yesterday when the Nats were facing off against the New York Mets. At the conclusion of the national anthem, there was a fireworks display as is customary, said department spokesman Alan Etter. As the debris fluttered down, it found its way to Rubin in his seat.

As you can see, Mr. Rubin had some sweet seats at first base, which are no where near where the fireworks are.

Now, I was a season ticket holder last year and my seats were in Section 141, pretty much directly beneath the fireworks. I had attended several games where the ashes fell from the sky onto us fans. And let me tell you, not once did any of us feel as if our lives were in jeopardy. Yes, ash is dirty. And, yes, it's a little startling the first time it happens. But that's how it goes sometimes. For Mr. Rubin to play the power card, covering it in the blanket of "immediate concern for safety", over something that has been happening for at least the past year (or longer ... I can't believe this never happened at RFK Stadium) is simply ridiculous and yet another example of our city leaders acting like that one kid in class who's put in charge while the teacher steps out for a minute.

Seriously. When will the insanity end in our local government?

Sorry For The Delay, But My Transcriber Was Selected To Work In The Obama Administration

Now look here, Diarist - we are busy people with busy lives doing busy things with other busy people. We do not have the time to sit around and wait for you to post something worthwhile on this blog. If you do not get your shit together and soon, we just might have to go find somewhere else to loiter. Capite?

Sì, capisco. There's no need to get all Sopranos on me. Now, call off your cousin ... I like my knee caps in the front of my legs (and in one piece). Thanks.

I know I've been a bit M.I.A. the past couple weeks. (That's "M.I.A." as in "Missing In Action", not "M.I.A." as in ... um ... M.I.A..) I have also been a bit busy as of late. Last week saw me prepping for a new contract. This week (and many more weeks to follow) sees me traveling to the wilds of my neighboring Commonwealth. (I don't care how many multi-laned streets or how many Starbucks or how many buildings taller than ten stories you have ... if I have to drive and my commute is more than twenty minutes, yo ass is in da boonies!) So I have been a bit busy myself. That's life. We live, we learn, we adapt. So buck up and "Do The Darwin".

I do have some special posts that I need to write and put up here, the first and foremost being my first-ever album review. Just kick off your shoes (on the tile, not the carpet, thank you), hang tight, and make yourself at home. The white wine is chilling in the fridge; the red wine is on the rack, the liquor is on the bar; and the good stuff is locked up, so don't even think about it.

Unless you've known me por siempre or you have a crapload of time on you hands (and nothing else more exciting to do), I seriously doubt you've read everything on this blog. And if you have, I doubt even more than you've checked out every one of the fine blogs I've recommended there in that right-hand column.

I will post again. I promise. You have the run of the house (that's not locked down) in the meantime. Enjoy yourselves. And mind those dirty shoes.

The Diarist Loves Pepsi! And Now For Something Completely Different.