Tasty Crow, Or "Look! Up In The Sky!"

Okay, okay, remember when I said very loudly and clearly that D.C. was lacking its own super contingent?

I was wrong. So very wrong.

"Never Found One Person" Means You Didn't Look Hard Enough

I'm glad Pee-Wee Herman is back.

I enjoyed his way bizarre Saturday morning show when I was younger. I saw the beginnings of several long careers, though I couldn't have known it at the time. And this has forever been burned into my brain.

I loved his first movie. It's highly quotable. It was Tim Burton's first full-length movie. And this has forever been burned into my brain.

So I'm glad Pee-Wee's back.

Mr. Reubens, unfortunately, can't let go of the past. True, those of us old enough to remember will always remember that infamous event. But this new generation of kids ... well, they may know about it, really. But they probably wouldn't at all if Mr. Rubens would stop talking about it.

Look, I get it. He feels wronged. And for all we know, he was incorrectly fingered out. Mr. Reubens, I'm gathering from the article, wishes it had gone to trial. He believes that he would have gotten off because of the evidence. From the article:

"Had we gone to trial, we had ready an expert from the Masters and Johnson Institute who was going to testify that in 30 years of research on masturbation the institute had never found one person who masturbated with his or her non-dominant hand," Reubens divulges in the latest issue of Playboy (which hits newsstands Friday). "I’m right-handed, and the police report said I was jerking off with my left hand. That would have been the end of the case right there, proof it couldn’t have been me."

Okay. Here is what I really wanted to post about. Let's look at that quote again, shall we?

... in 30 years of research on masturbation the institute had never found one person who masturbated with his or her non-dominant hand ...

I'm going to call shenanigans here.

All those who masturbate with their non-dominant hand, raise your dominant hand. (I'd love to, but I'm typing this blog post right now.) I'm certain at least one person raised his (or her) hand. (I would have, but I was typing.)

I'm sorry, Mr. Reubens, but just because your institute couldn't find one person in 30 years doesn't mean he (or she) doesn't exist. I'd guarantee you that the plaintiff's attorney would have found one.

Look, Pee-Wee. Just drop it. It was a stupid crime. Hardly anyone thought it was worth the hoopla. We certainly don't think any less of you now. Let it go.

Just. Let. It. Go.

(And get back to making that new movie. I totally can't wait!)

Here I Come To Save The Day!

I once offered a prayer.

It was not answered.

So I rethought my position. No one has been hurt (as far as I can tell from scouring the Interwebs). The cat is out of the bag and this seems to be something that is going to stay around, regardless of what sane people may think. So I looked at the RLSHs registered on the official website and crunched some numbers. This is what I came up with.

D.C. does not have any superheroes.

Now, if this is going to be a thing, then the greatest city in the world needs at least one RLSH. Utah has four, for Pete's sake! So maybe the District could use an extra hand or two in curbing non-violent crimes.

Not that I'm advocating such a thing.

"Who Are You?"

"Someone like you. Someone who'll rattle the cages."

I know, I know. Everyone loves Batman. Iron Man's made it good too. Even peons like Dave Lizewski are getting some love. But please, please, PLEASE ... for the love of all that's good and holy in this universe ... do not let this become the next big thing. Because the last thing we need in this world is another arms escalation. And, besides, we already know how well it's gonna play out.

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