The Aftermath

I used to be a confident man, one who was very sure of his place in the universe and the place of all those around him. I used to be a man who knew what he wanted, why he wanted it, and that he could have it. I used to be a man who never doubted.

I'm not that man anymore. It turns out that everything I thought I knew, everything I was so sure about, everything I thought I wanted and could have ... everything was an illusion.

I don't want that to be the case; I don't want what I see now to be my reality. Yet it is.

It was a fool's dream to think that I could have it all; I don't deserve it. I had it once and it was taken away. The universe always corrects its mistakes.

Catch The Wind
Donovan

In the chilly hours and minutes
Of uncertainty, I want to be
In the warm hold of your loving mind,

To feel you all around me,
And to take your hand along the sand.
Ah, but I may as well try and catch the wind.

When sundown pales the sky,
I want to hide a while behind your smile;
And everywhere I'd look, your eyes I'd find.

For me to love you now
Would be the sweetest thing; 'twould make me sing.
Ah, but I may as well try and catch the wind.

Dee, dee, dee ...

When rain has hung the leaves with tears,
I want you near to kill my fears,
To help me to leave all my blues behind.

Standin' in your heart
Is where I want to be and long to be.
Ah, but I may as well try and catch the wind.

Ah, but I may as well try and catch the wind.

Random Music: "Happiness Runs" by Donovan

Originally titled "Pebble And The Man" and recorded on his album "Donovan In Concert", Donovan reworked the song a bit, retitled it "Happiness Runs", and made it part of 1969's "Barabajagal". Although I can't find it confirmed anywhere online, I understand that this song was a product of his visit with The Beatles to the Maharashi in 1968.

It's a song that speaks to me, sometimes pulling me out of my blues and sometimes fueling the fire.

First see this post and then I'll continue my thought on this.

I strive every day to be happy. I try to balance this desire against my respect for other people. Let me tell you that they tend to be opposing schools of thought and action. If I wished to be truly happy, I would do as I please and damn the consequences. But I believe in the truth that every action has a reaction. And so I restrain myself quite often.

This means that I don't always say the words I wish to say, I don't always take actions I wish to take, I don't always follow the paths of my heart that I wish to follow.

And so I'm not always happy.

But things do come around; life is a circle. Where I was happy once, I will be happy again. It's only a matter of time.

Happiness Runs - Donovan