Pirate Joke Of The Week

Q: What is a pirate's favorite salad?

A: Ar-r-r-r-r-r-rugula!

Pirate Joke Of The Week

Q: What do you call a pirate with two eyes, two hands, and two legs?

A: Rookie!

Pirate Joke Of The Week

Two pirates were adrift in a lifeboat following a dramatic escape from a valiant battle. While rummaging through the boat's provisions, the pirates stumbled across an old lamp. Secretly hoping that a Genie would appear, the first pirate rubbed the lamp vigorously. To the amazement of the castaways, a Genie came forth. This particular Genie, however, stated that he could only deliver one wish, not the standard three. Without giving any thought to the matter the first pirate blurted out,

"Make the entire ocean into rum!"

The Genie clapped his hands with a deafening crash, and immediately the entire sea turned into the finest rum ever sampled by mortals. Simultaneously, the Genie vanished. Only the gentle lapping of rum on the hull broke the stillness as the two considered their circumstances. The second pirate looked disgustedly at the first pirate and after a tension-filled moment spoke:

"Ye've done it this time, mate-e! Now we're goon to have to pee in the boat!"

Pirate Joke Of The Week

Long ago, when sailing ships ruled the waves, a Captain and his crew were in danger of being boarded by a pirate ship. As the crew became frantic, the Captain bellowed to his First Mate,

"Bring me my red shirt!"

The First Mate quickly retrieved the Captain's red shirt, which the Captain put on and lead the crew to battle the pirate boarding party. Although some casualties occurred among the crew, the pirates were repelled.

Later that day, the lookout screamed that there were two pirate vessels sending boarding parties. The crew cowered in fear, but the Captain, calm as ever, bellowed,

"Bring me my red shirt!"

The battle was on, and once again the Captain and his crew repelled both boarding parties, although this time more casualties occurred.

Weary from the battles, the men sat around on deck that night recounting the day's occurrences when an Ensign looked to the Captain and asked,

"Sir, why did you call for your red shirt before the battle?"

The Captain, giving the Ensign a look that only a Captain can give, exhorted,

"If I am wounded in battle, the red shirt does not show the wound and thus, you men will continue to fight unafraid"

The men sat in silence marveling at the courage of such a man.

As dawn came the next morning, the Lookout screamed that there were pirate ships, ten of them, all with boarding parties on their way. The men became silent and looked to their Captain for his usual command. The Captain, calm as ever, bellowed,

"Bring me my brown pants!"

Pirate Joke Of The Week

A pirate walks into a bar and the bartender says, "Hey, I haven't seen you in a while. What happened? You look terrible!"

"What do you mean?" the pirate replies. "I'm fine."

The bartender says, "But what about that wooden leg? You didn't have that before."

"Well," says the pirate, "We were in a battle at sea and a cannon ball hit my leg but the surgeon fixed me up, and I'm fine, really."

"Yeah," says the bartender, "But what about that hook? Last time I saw you, you had both hands."

"Well," says the pirate, "We were in another battle and we boarded the enemy ship. I was in a sword fight and my hand was cut off but the surgeon fixed me up with this hook, and I feel great, really."

"Oh," says the bartender, "What about that eye patch? Last time you were in here you had both eyes."

"Well," says the pirate, "One day when we were at sea, some birds were flying over the ship. I looked up, and one of them shat in my eye."

"So," replied the bartender, "what happened? You couldn't have lost an eye just from some bird shit!"

"Well," says the pirate, "I really wasn't used to the hook yet."

Pirate Joke Of The Week

A pirate walks into a bar, swaggers up to the barkeep, and demands ...

"A pint o' rum or yer life, ye landlubbing dog!"

The bartender, being a reasonable man who happens to like his life (thank you very much), grabs a large glass, a bottle of fine dark rum, and begins to pour. And while he's waiting for the glass to fill he sizes up the pirate, having never seen a real honest-to-God pirate before.

This pirate is in full pirate gear -- gold earrings, patch over the eye, a big filthy white blouse covering his swarthy chest, tattoos everywhere ... the whole seven seas. But protruding from his breeches is the unmistakable form of a steering wheel.

The bartender sees that the glass of rum is just about topped off, so he passes the glass across the bar to the pirate, who nods curtly and takes a huge swig of the rum. Pleased to have his belly warmed by the libation, the pirate slapped a doubloon on the bar-top and turned to walk away. But the bartender, whose curiosity was piqued, called out to him ...

"Wait! One second please. I see there is a wheel in your breeches. Isn't that uncomfortable?"

And the pirate turns back, fixes him with a beady glare from his lone eye, and replies ...

"Arrr, it's drivin' me nuts!"